Back to normal?

I have been recovering from the war for the last few days. I didn’t realize how badly it had affected me until it was over and I found myself listening to music on the radio for the first time in weeks. Suddenly the tones I heard were melodic and not the cacaphonous voices of the talking heads.

I also discovered that it is possible to be awake and conscious without eating. It seems that I become orally fixated at the thought of imminent annihilation. I suppose subconsciously I believe that the more of me there is the harder it will be to make me disappear. But the other day, I began to realize that real people do not chain-eat.

I find myself feeling like I can go out again and not have to worry that something will happen and I won’t know about it. I am able to go for several hours without hearing the news. I was able to go out and buy dolls and gifts for some of the grandchildren.

I even took out the second of four photo albums I had bought for our pictures from China with the intention of adding to the several pages I had started. Having taken about 1150 pictures, there is still a lot of work to do and since we returned, we have been to Slovakia, Austria, and Hungary (you may recall my bout of scenery burnout) on one trip and to Moscow and St. Petersburg on another. So far, those pictures are still only pixels on their creator’s hard drive and CDs. And my good intentions seem to be no more inspired than they were before the war. The album and pictures are, however, cluttering my living room, waiting patiently for my attention.

But today I suggested to my husband that we take a drive to the beach one evening and eat sandwiches as the sun sets. I suppose that craving for normality is being fed by the tense and perhaps illusory halt in fighting.

The human spirit is powerful. We strive for normality no matter what the situation. The people in shelters became a community. The ceasefire brought them back to their homes, full of hope that they might resume a normal life. Through illness and pain, we imagine that a better time is coming. The good and brave among us help bring the good times through their labors and sacrifice. We dream, we strive, we hope, we go on.

And so, the next time I write, I will be back to writing about normal things.

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  1. linda trepel-cantor says

    Just checked in to see how you were dealing with the war. & realized that even though I am over here in the states, I,too,could not turn off the news. So glad to hear that you are feeling safer. May this cease fire become a true peace.

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