Shopping

Here’s what I want from a shopping experience:

I walk into a store. I wander around. I look at things. If there’s something that catches my eye, I think about whether I need it. If I do, then I look to see the price. If I like it enough that the price seems good. I buy it.

Here is what I do not want from a shopping experience:

I walk into a store. Someone attaches herself to my heels watching my every step (NOTE: I have never, ever in my entire life shoplifted. Why does she think that this will be my first attempt? Do I have shifty eyes?). I walk through the store ignoring said person and her nose ring, her eyebrow rings and that pesky one in her tongue which causes her to lisp, drool, and spit as she says, “What are you looking for?”
I tell her “I am not looking for anything in particular.”
She says, “We have some beautiful navel rings and they are on sale this week only…”
I tell her, “No thanks.”
She says, “Well how much do you want to spend?”
I say, “I am not sure I want to buy anything at all.”
She continues to follow me.
I foolishly let my eyes wander toward a pink fur lamp.
Quick on the draw she says, “That also comes in fuschia, chartreuse, and ebony.”

I leave.

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