Please join my cult

It has come to my attention that there are a number of cults here in Israel that are run by “rebbetzins” (rabbis’ wives). It seems that their followers believe that these women have a direct connection with the Creator of the universe and that by being part of their group, they will reap some benefits. For example, these leaders know what G-d is thinking, and that’s pretty important knowledge. In return for being a member of these cults, men have left their wives, mothers and fathers have been willing to beat and torture their children, and women have been willing to dress up in layers and layers of scarves and clothing that not only cover their whole body, but also their faces including their eyes.

So I got to thinking. My husband is a rabbi. In some weird way, that means that technically I am a rebbitzen. I certainly have as much access to the Creator of the universe as anyone else (who knows? maybe more….) So I have decided to start a cult.

Here’s what my loyal followers must do to show their devotion. I think it will be a bit easier in some ways than some of the other cults.

1. Respect the people around you. Treat them with kindness. Be patient.
2. Love the people in your family. Really love them. Smile when they enter a room, hug them when they are feeling sad, listen when they need to talk.
3. Take care of yourself. Eat healthy foods, get some exercise. Find time for some pleasurable activity. Don’t judge yourself or be too hard on yourself. You are human.

As to the contributions usually required to hear the prophecies, please give them to meaningful charities.

If you join my cult, I cannot promise you a trouble-free life, but I can promise you one that is meaningful and worth living.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...
Be Sociable, Share!

Comments

  1. You forgot to mention two important rules.
    #1 No Smoking. It’s gross, it’s disrespectful to your body, and it’s disrespectful to the people around you.

    #2 Your preferred charity is “Save the triLs,” a charity which helps provide housing and swimming facilities for triLs, a rare species which is exceedingly cute, requires very large living space and prefers its own pool for swimming.

    For more information on donating to “Save the triLs,” see my blog at http://trilcat.blogspot.com and buy lots of stuff through Amazon there.

  2. Aha. Now I understand what I was born into…

  3. Sign me up… I have always been one of your loyal followers anyway!

  4. Anonymous says

    I’d join your cult any day!

  5. lena paul says

    i want to join your cult how will i do to join your cult.yhanks

Speak Your Mind

*