…but do they know we love them?

Sometimes when I write, it’s only when I see people’s reactions that I realize what I’ve said. The responses to my last post were all different and reflected what they meant to the people who read the piece.

The more I think about it, the more I wonder how it is that we convey what we feel to those we love. Of course kind words, gentle touch, and thoughtful deeds, help, support, and caring all are important, but why is it that sometimes it doesn’t seem as if the message gets through.

“If he really loved me, he’d say he loves me,” the young wife said to me in my office one day.
“Do you love her?” I asked him.
“Of course I do,” he answered.
“Can you tell her?” I asked.
“I love you,” he said.
“He only said that because you told him to,” she said.

Is there anything he can do to get the message across? If she says that his washing the dishes would show he loves her and he washes the dishes, will she say, “but he’s only doing that because you told him to.”

So I leave the question open. How do we let those we love know that we love them in a way that they will understand? How can we do what they want us to do to prove it without their devaluing the effort?

Is knowing that you are loved something that only happens when you have been loved and cherished as an infant? Is that necessary? Is it sufficient? For others does it take lots of years and shared experiences?

Examining our tortoise pictures in the Galapagos

What are your thoughts?

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Comments

  1. In the USA the world is predicted to end this Saturday May 21st. That is what hundreds of bill-boards predict. I guess we only have 3 days to tell everyone that we love them unconditionally. You can find the story on the net/web under religious group calls for earthquakes on May 21, 2011. I gave my sons all a hug to give to their children. I will do the same for my daughters tomorrow. If I have to leave this vail in 3 days I want you and your husband to know that I love you too, and every one of your children and grandchildren, even if I know them only from your posted pictures.

    I am Looking forward to read your post on May 22nd “on the other side”

  2. Yes it is hard to show someone you love them if they do not feel loved.
    We all want to be loved in some way and if we do not open up to allow this love it will not enter.
    Love can be expressed in so many ways it is hard to know which is the one the penetrates the walls of an-others emotional being.
    Saying it, giving Flowers, taking out the garbage, sleeping in the same room or just sticking around and eating the food you are given.
    It is always easier to feel hated then loved, so you can always say they did it cause they were forced to. But no one is forced to say they love you.

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