I believe it is easier and more important for them to achieve the understanding that conflict is something negative – something they want to avoid. I believe that this point, which may seem trivial, is the most important prerequisite for consciously avoiding or resolving conflict.

I have a process wherein the children listen to their siblings describe the conflicts they had over the week – the conflicts that stick out in their mind. During this stage I do not allow the other children to respond. I make sure only that all the children involved recall the incident. Although the children do not always agree about the details, they usually agree that a conflict did occur. By focusing on complaints of conflicts, the children arrive at a realization that conflict is something negative that effect them all.

After a few months, when the children had agreed that conflicts were something negative, and all of them wanted ways to prevent and resolve conflict, I added the second stage of the process.

After hearing a child present a conflict, I encourage each of the children involved to present solutions how each of them could have unilaterally avoided the conflict or prevented the conflict from occuring. For each solution offered, I check with the other child (or children) involved whether they agree that the solution would have been effective. I praise them for finding solutions, and I can usually get each child to present two or three different solutions.

Using this method, I hope each of them will develop the following awarenesses.

* Conflict is something I want to avoid
* I can dissolve conflict by myself
* My capability to dissolve conflict has nothing to do with right and wrong
* There is more than one way to resolve conflict
* I can think of creative ways to dissolve conflict