Dreams

One of the most amazing things about fulfilling a dream is that once fulfilled, one is again and again reminded of how it looked from far off and once again one can feel the joy of its having been accomplished.

One way in which I experience this is in my feelings for living in Israel. My first consciousness of Eretz Yisrael came when as a child I heard my maternal grandmother at the end of the seder tell the family that it was her intention to take the whole family to Israel next Pesach. I believed then and still believe today that that is what she truly wanted to do and probably would have, had she lived long enough.

In Sunday School and Hebrew School, we talked about Israel, but it wasn’t until I saw the movie Exodus that my longing to visit Israel began. It was only after a broken engagement that I got to see the land for the first time in 1965, and only after twelve years of marriage and five children that I returned in 1978. The real longing to live in Israel started then and intensified when our oldest son left the US to study at Hebrew University in 1984 and finally, after each child had come to live in Israel on his or her own, I joined them. My father-in-law and husband were the last of the family to arrive.

And you would think that after ten years in Israel, seven of them living in our own home, I would just take living here for granted. But you would be wrong.

Every morning waking up to the sweet smells of our garden, I am reminded of the beautiful place that I live. Each trip to Jerusalem makes me love her ancient stones more intensely. Our trip to Sde Boker and Ein Avdat brought me the awe of desert landscapes with colored sands and rich wadis and waterfalls. And last weekend, our shabbat at Karei Deshe allowed me to hear the gentle lapping of the waters of the Kinneret (Sea of Galilee) at night and to watch the sun shimmering in its waters in the day.

These places are not just places. They are spiritual landmarks, places where I meet God’s works face to face and experience a closeness to Him and a feeling of serenity and completeness.

And I think about what I hoped I would find when I got here, and I am awed that I have found so infinitely more.

A Very Narrow Bridge

Last week my husband and I and a couple we are friendly with went for a hike in the Negev Desert. We had asked someone knowledgeable to recommend a trail. The person saw that we were not exactly teenagers and that in addition to us, our friends’ son and daughter-in-law and their three young children were present.

We set off into the desert passing a number of camels, climbing in our cars to the top of an overlook to the Great Machtesh (crater), and then continued on to the eucalyptus parking area that was beside the colored sands—sands that were naturally colored from the minerals in them.

Our friends’ son and wife decided not to come on the hike, but their having a car of their own enabled us to leave our own car at the finish of the hike.

We started along the trail. At first it was a gradual rise along a path that was quite beautiful. We passed some exquisitely colored sand formations and the rocks formed patterns in the sunlight. Soon the path turned upward and we climbed along the rocks. Then we saw a wall in front of us and a trail marking pointing up. We found metal handholds and scaled that wall and came to the top—or so we thought, but we found out that at the top of the mountain, the trail led to the top of another mountain and at the top of that mountain, there was yet another. The path became steeper and steeper. Finally, we reached the top. The view was magnificent.

We were walking in the heat of the day. We had sufficient water and food, but the heat and the very persistent flies made it less than pleasant. However, having gotten to the mountaintop, we hoped that the second part of the hike would be easier.

It wasn’t. The way down was along a path that ranged between 8 and 20 inches, was covered with dry pebbles, so there was not a decent foothold, and had only pointy rocks to hold onto. The mountain was called “the Big Fin” but I refer to it as “Stegosaurus Mountain.” My husband and one of our friends chose to propel themselves down the mountain in a sitting position, however I was wearing a skirt and there was no way that would work, so I watched every step (as did they) and continued on. We had noticed at the beginning of the climb that there was no cell phone reception and so I had shut off my cell phone thinking that I didn’t want to use up the battery in case we would need it later. My husband worried that if I fell, he would have no access to the cell phone! We began talking about the fact that the only rescue would be via helicopter. There was no way to carry a person down the mountain. I never worried about dying, but the thought of serious injury did enter my mind when I slipped and heard the pebbles continuing to fall down to the desert floor. But we continued, mainly because there was nothing else that we could do.

When we finally got to the bottom of the steepest descent, we rested and then the rest of the descent seemed easy. Just as we were feeling confident once again, we noticed that there was a railroad track directly in front of us that was at the top of a very steep rise. Only a few minutes later did we discover that there was a pedestrian tunnel underneath. That was the good news. The bad news is that it was built for pygmies. The tunnel was probably five feet high, but after the descent, I literally ran through it bent in half.

When finally we reached the parking lot where the car was located, I believe I rhapsodized about my car in a completely insane manner. But by then I was totally spent.

We stopped in the next town to buy cold drinks.

When finally I caught my breath, I realized that this whole adventure was very much like life. You start out happy and confident. Things are beautiful and easy. You experience some difficulty, but it’s still lovely. And then you get to a point where it gets hard, very hard, and just when you think it can’t get any harder, it does. Then it gets harder yet. You can stop and look around and then you decide you need to go on. You walk along the path, danger on either side. You can be with friends and they are there to share the experience with you. They provide support and protection and comfort, but the journey is still rough. Sometimes the up-hills are the hardest, and sometimes when it seems that things should be easy, that is when they are the most difficult. But when the hard times are over, you feel relieved, grateful, and maybe even proud that you hung in there and made it through.

Throughout the descent, I kept thinking of something that Rav Nachman of Bratslav said: “The whole world is a very narrow bridge and the main thing is not to be at all afraid.”

What is Moving

Moving is what one does to get from place to place, position to position. Moving is what successful people do to get ahead. That’s how they become one of the “movers and shakers.”

Moving is what a family is involved in when they go on vacation—when they discover new places and have all sorts of adventures.

Moving is what a family does when they are vacating one home and taking up residence in another.

Moving implies purposeful action, forward momentum, active involvement.

In Israel, there has been a lot moving lately.

Politicians have been moving all over the airwaves. Police and Army personnel have been moving south to Gaza and north to Samaria. People who are against the disengagement have been moving to demonstrations in Netivot, Kfar Maimon, Sderot, Jerusalem, and Tel Aviv,. Reporters and photographers from all over the world have been moving in an effort to catch the action.

People who have lived on sand dunes (never before inhabited ) and have built their lives and their communities for twenty or thirty years, having been urged to settle there by successive Israeli governments were moving—by force, out of their homes to an unknown future.

But moving is also the word that describes the most powerful memory of these days– the eyes of the uprooted children whose faith in the goodness of humanity was crushed.

Disbelief (Gush Katif)

In high school I learned about “willing suspension of disbelief.” My teacher explained that when you are reading fantasy, you give up some of your logical, judgmental thought and just read and enter into the fantasy. Over the years, there have been films and television programs that have demanded the same. We have seen a flying nun, a witch, angels who interact with people, a man who gets the newspaper a day early, and a girl who talks to God in many different guises. However, I have never seen anything that challenged my logic or judgment as much as what I am watching this morning.

Today I am watching the Army and the police begin the process of removing people from the homes they have built and lived in for the last 30 years. These are homes that the people built with the blessings of the Israel government. They came to sand dunes. They were greeted with bread and salt by their Arab neighbors who looked at them incredulously and asked them how they intended to build a life on the sand. But build they did! They gave birth to their children, raised them there. They planted trees and bushes and gardens and turned the sand dunes into a paradise. They formed communities that worked together like large families, caring for each others’ children, celebrating each others’ milestones, and mourning each others’ losses. They developed farming methods and greenhouses that account for a third of Israel’s agricultural exports not to mention the domestic consumption.

In 1994, I visited Neve Dekalim for a weekend. There was a lovely hotel there and we celebrated together with our new daughter-in-law’s family the recent marriage of our children. The beach was idyllic, the people were friendly and kind, and the Arab neighbors we encountered on our walk were friendly.

In the fall of 2000 the Arabs began a large terror campaign. Innocent Israelis were murdered in their cars and homes, in pizza parlors and buses, in the street and in shopping malls. After all of these tragedies, for some unknown reason, our Prime Minister decided to evacuate and destroy 25 Jewish communities. We have not yet heard any explanation other than they represent a small number among a sea of Arabs. Of course the same could be said for the entire country of Israel. We are a population of 5 million Jews in a sea of over 200 million Arabs. Should we all leave our homes?

Meanwhile, the television stations are showing nonstop coverage of the discussions taking place between the representatives of the communities and the Army commanders sent to deliver eviction notices. Hundreds of photographers and reporters from all over the world are here to record the expulsion of Jews by Jews. Meanwhile, our Arab enemies are preparing large celebrations under the motto, “Today Gaza, tomorrow Jerusalem.” They have announced that after the expulsions thousands of terrorists will come to live in Gaza.

None of the estimates of what will follow this include a lessening of terrorism. So it appears that what is being accomplished is that the terrorists can rejoice in the fact that their terror has caused Israel to flee and they now feel emboldened to continue murdering and to hope for more expulsions of Jews by Jews.

There is a real question as to whether this process is democratic. Sharon, who is carrying it out ran against Mitzna who proposed it and Sharon won a large victory because of his opposition to the process. When he polled his political party, they rejected this action, but after saying he would abide by their decision, he ignored the vote.

Those who see this process as a good one believe that it is better that our soldiers not have to defend these isolated communities. Of course, leaving them allows the terrorists better access to our larger population areas like the cities of Ashqelon and Ashdod and the power station and desalination plant. So I sit and watch and still am not able to believe what I am seeing…. And I wait for a flying nun or a witch or angels who interact with people or a man who gets the newspaper a day early or a girl who talks to God to come and stop this.

Terror

In the face of unspeakable horror, I am struck dumb. I hate the idea of writing about the heinous terror attack in London because to put it into words limits it to something finite that can be picked up, read, and be over. But that isn’t what terror is. Terror, once created, cannot be neatly contained or dismissed.

This week, our friend Chana turned 35. Her parents, husband and daughter took her a cake in honor of her birthday. But Chana is in a coma, close to four years now, since the murderous attack on the Sbarro’s restaurant in Jerusalem. Chana has not been able to see her daughter grow and learn. Her family lives with the pain each and every day. It is not over. It will never be over. Even if Chana is able to wake up and return to her family, can anyone calculate the price of this evil attack on her family?

Last night, we went to a concert. The Israel Philharmonic played a wide range of music. As I sat there, I marveled at the range of behaviors that people can engage in. Here were a large number of people, each an artist in his or her own right. All of them played together, pausing waiting, knowing just what to do and when. I watched as the harpist played and the cymbalist clanged and I saw their complete dedication to producing something beautiful. It was a task that none of them alone could accomplish, but together, ah the beauty!

And then I thought of the people who orchestrated the horror in London and the thought stabbed at my heart. How can people, endowed with such potential for good, choose to use that potential to plan horrific attacks on innocent people?

And when I hear that it is poverty or humiliation that causes these attacks, I want to scream. I know lots of people who had similar problems and none of them blew up innocent people. How can anyone even entertain the notion that such acts have any justification!

I hate the people who did this, mostly for shaming their Creator and taking what was so lovingly granted them and using it for evil. I hate them for sullying the name of the human race.

…and you shall see your children’s children

Today is Matan and Lilach’s birthday. Nine years ago today I stood just a few feet away from my daughter as the first twin emerged. “It’s a boy!” But the doctors were concerned. The second baby’s heartbeat was slow and so they took my daughter to the operating room to perhaps do a Caesarian section to get the other baby out. Fortunately, the C-section was not needed and 14 minutes later, Lilach emerged. And suddenly, we became a family that had twins, a boy and a girl! I would never have guessed then that by now, there would be two more sets of boy/girl twins!

So today is their birthday, and it coming on Jerusalem Day this year, we thought it would be a good idea to take the children to Jerusalem last night to see the parade and perhaps the fireworks.

However, Matan was tired after soccer practice and his 11 year old sister, Hadas, really wanted to go, and so we ended up with the two girls making our way to Jerusalem.

The traffic in the city was almost at a standstill as street after street was closed. When finally we parked and walked to Jaffa Road, the parade was still going on and we watched as group after group of children and adults from all over the country paraded in uniforms and costumes, on floats and on foot, driving motorcycles and ambulances, to salute Jerusalem.

Suddenly I was transported to my first trip to Jerusalem. It was in 1965 when I came on a youth tour. I stood at that very spot on Jaffa Road, but back then, the Old City was closed to us. We could not visit. We were taken to Abu Tor to look out over to the Temple Mount. We went to Mount Zion and tried to see what we could of the holy city. I was in Jerusalem longing for Jerusalem.

And then I thought about June 1967. I was in Philadelphia, seven months pregnant, sitting in my parents’ family room, embroidering a challah cover, the one we still use, when the news came onto the TV, “the Temple Mount is in our hands!”

I can’t describe the joy. I remember thinking that the baby inside me will never know that longing that the Jews had felt for so long. I remember seeing TV reports about the first Shavuot after the reunification—people streaming into the gates of the Old City.

It took us many years to return to Israel, but finally, in 1978, we took all of the children. On our first day, we went to visit to the Old City of Jerusalem. I still remember the awe I felt when I first saw the Western Wall standing there, golden in the sunlight.

My experience of Jerusalem has not changed, not after having visited there, not after having lived there. Jerusalem is holy and special from the very stones to the special fragrant smell of the air. Going to Jerusalem is returning to the place where I belong.

So we watched last night’s parade, we sang along with the music that was playing beautiful songs of Jerusalem, we ate dinner, we walked through the downtown walking area that was filled with people, and on our way home we were treated to fireworks that were best seen from our car as it descended down Betzalel Street to Sacher Park.

And I felt grateful for my husband, my children, my grandchildren, and for my city, Jerusalem.

Chana’s Kitchen

This is an article I wrote a long time ago.

Chana’s Kitchen

Last night I saw Chana’s kitchen. It was about 8:30 p.m. and Chana’s husband, David needed to pick up a prescription, but their daughter, Sara, who is three years old, was sleeping soundly in her room, her blue eyes closed and her blond hair curling around her face. He couldn’t leave her alone, so I went to watch Sara while my husband gave him a ride over to the pharmacy.

It’s a small apartment. Just big enough for the three of them. An apartment filled with toys and games and magazines and books and love. And Sara slept , dreaming, perhaps pleasant dreams.

And I sat in the living room and looked into the kitchen and a stab of pain hit me almost as if it were a real knife stabbing into me. There was Chana’s kitchen. There was her microwave and her double oven and the stand mixer. There were the dishrack and the dishes. In that place, Chana made breakfast and dinner, holiday meals and snacks, cookies and cakes for her husband and her daughter and her parents and siblings.

But now Chana is far away. She lies in a bed, connected to a machine that helps her breathe. Since the murderous attack at Sbarro’s last August 9 that killed 15 innocent people, Chana has been in a coma. When Sara wants to see her mother, she is taken to the rehab center and there she lovingly touches her mother, kisses her, brushes her hair. Chana’s parents spend most of their days doing exercises with Chana to try and stimulate her brain so that she will wake up. They gently talk to her, hold items with different aromas under her nose, sing to her, and exercise her limbs, straightening out her contracted fingers. Once, recently, they saw Chana react to Sara. Tears formed in her eyes.

So they pray and we pray. And last night, looking at her kitchen, I prayed that soon she would return to her parents, to her siblings, to her husband, and to her daughter. I prayed to see her smiling face as she returns home and reclaims her kitchen.

The bombing of Sbarro’s took place on August 8, 2001. Chana is still in a coma. Chana’s web page is http://www.geocities.com/racharik/chana.html

Is anybody listening?

One of the first things I noticed about Israel is that everyone is involved in the country in a way unlike anything I had seen in the US. Every minimally educated Israeli can recognize a large percentage of Knesset members and cabinet members by sight. They can tell you who is a member of which of the myriad parties, what party he or she used to belong to and whether he or she is someone you can trust. Politicians seen on television or in a restaurant are always identified by their faces. Most politicians are identified by their voices on the radio. There are no places to hide.

Israel is simply too small a country. It really is just a very big family. If in the US there are six degrees of separation—that is any random person is connected with any other somehow through only six sets of relationships, in Israel, the number is much lower. In fact, it is rare for us to meet anyone with whom we have no one in common.

Similarly, everyone is involved in the political situation. The country from long before its founding has been under attack. The shomrim guarded the earliest modern settlements from marauding Arabs and in 1929, long before statehood, the Jews of Hebron were massacred. So here we are a big family who have constantly been under attack by our neighbors since before we were born (not to mention throughout history.) That pushes emotions pretty high. Everyone here realizes that survival is a constant struggle. All of us know that we are vastly outnumbered by people who seek to destroy us. So what do we, the common citizens do about it?

We fight with each other.

Actually, although most of us are capable of civil debate, we usually express our strong opinions to those who already agree with us. It saves our noses and cuts down on the use of gauze pads. We are a hot-blooded people and there is nothing more emotionally stressful than a debate over what the government should or should not be doing.

Now add to the mix two more elements (at least… my almost brother is sure to remind me of the ones I forgot) Add the fact that Israel has a limited concept of democracy and the need of Israel never to anger the US who is our benefactor and protector.

Now what we have is a bunch of hot-headed people talking to other people who agree with them and getting more and more stirred up about the rightness of their approach to survival. They decide that they are so right that really the other side should not have the right to oppose their ideas even by what in the US would be called legitimate protest or civil disobedience. They believe that what they want to do is the only course of action acceptable to the US government, So what we have now in Israel is prior restraint. That is, possible protestors and organizers of possible protests are being arrested and questioned for days and sometimes weeks. Today, as the people opposed to the expulsion from Gaza prepared for peaceful demonstrations, buses of young people were stopped and not allowed to proceed so that people could not get to the demonstrations.

In the end, the protest was effective. At intersections all around Israel from the north to the south, protestors held signs and chanted, “Jews do not expel Jews.” The message was expressed, but will it be heard?

Weekend in the Golan

We went away this weekend with a group of people to a place in the Golan called “Keshet Yonatan.” Keshet, which means “bow” (as in bow and arrow), is the Hebrew equivalent of Kuneitra, the nearby Syrian town. Keshet is the name of the village where Keshet Yonatan is located. The name Keshet Yonatan has a dual meaning since it means both Jonathan’s bow (referring to Jonathan, son of King Saul) and Jonathan’s Rainbow. Indeed, the entrance to the community is decorated with rainbows. It was named in memory of Yonatan Vodak, who fell in the Yom Kippur War.

We stayed in what used to be a field school, a group of buildings with spartan accommodations that was used by the Nature Preservation Society for seminars and as a homebase for hiking in the area. Our room was capable of sleeping seven people! Fortunately, we weren’t asked to take in five strangers.

On Saturday afternoon, all of us took a three hour walk through fields of waving grasses, past cows and horses and stacks of hay. We walked past a lake that serves as a reservoir, Standing at the edge of the lake was a sole white horse standing so still, he looked like a piece of statuary. We continued on and walked through fields of high grasses. As the pace quickened, so did my pulse and suddenly looming before me was a most overwhelming sight—a very high mountain with ruins of some sort at the top.

“Oh,” I said to my husband, “that must be the mountain that I am going to watch you climb.” He just ignored me. He knew that I wouldn’t opt out. So we made our way along with the rest of the people, through the tall grasses and briars and brambles and up the rocky path to the top of the mountain, climbing over boulders and feeling the prickly stickers on our ankles and calves.

When at last we reached the top, we continued walking through the ruins to a shady place and listened to our guide, a young woman who was doing her national service, talk about the battles fought in the area during the Yom Kippur War. We heard of the bravery and the innovative thinking that enabled a scant, under-equipped force of Israelis to vanquish the large, well-armed Syrian army.

Descending from the mountain, we walked back through the village to our base and spent the rest of the afternoon and evening with the group.

After the Sabbath, we walked and looked up at the stars. Even there, the street lights interfered, but not nearly as much as the near-daylight of lit streets in Modi’in.

Sunday morning after breakfast, we left for another hike, this time through woods not far from the Syrian border. The woods were dotted with flowers of every shape and color from deep purple to lavender to pink and red and yellow and white. I couldn’t help thinking that the landscaping was beautiful. We looked down at a huge lake and horse and cows far in the distance. The winds blew a cool breeze on an otherwise hot day and we made our way with awe and thanksgiving for the beauty in the world.

On our way home, we stopped along the east side of the Sea of Galilee (the Kinneret) at Ein Gev where there is an excellent fish restaurant situated in a park-like setting along the shore. After a relaxing meal, we continued home.

Independence Day

Living in Israel is an intense experience, and living in Israel this past week has been an extremely intense experience. We all have been dealing with Remembrance Day for Israel’s soldiers and terror victims this past Tuesday night and Wednesday and with Independence Day that followed it on Wednesday night and Thursday.

I suppose Israel can be compared to one of my children. This was a child who was never indifferent about anything. His anger was anger and his joy was joy and no one could cry more bitterly nor laugh more heartily. I used to say about him that his nerve endings seemed to be closer to his skin surface than others. I called him my passionate child.

And Israel is very much like him; it is a place where emotions are high and contrasting emotions occur simultaneously.

So this week, people were buying memorial candles to light either in memory of their family members who had been killed in military service or terror attacks or in memory of all of our lost soldiers and innocent victims of terror At the same time, people were placing Israeli flags on their homes and their vehicles until the country was plastered with blue and while

All over the newspapers, airwaves, and posters appeared information about the memorial services that took place in cemeteries throughout the country. There was also information about all of the Independence Day concerts, ceremonies, street performances, military fly-bys, and fireworks displays that occurred in cities all over Israel.

Each year, Remembrance Day begins with a siren sounded at eight in the evening for one minute during which everyone and everything falls silent. No vehicles move on the road. No one speaks. After the siren there is a ceremony at the Western Wall that is televised throughout the country. By eight o’clock, all of the stores and restaurants and places of entertainment have closed.

There are memorial events throughout the country. The one we attended was a large gathering at the Jerusalem Convention Center at which family members and friends spoke about their lost loved ones interspersed with appropriate music. Most heartbreaking was listening to David Hatuel whose pregnant wife and four daughters were murdered by Arab terrorists last year. He spoke about them and about missing them, of course, but he also spoke of retaining his faith in G-d.

On Remembrance Day itself, stores are open. Children go to school and commemorate the day with ceremonies there, but the atmosphere is restrained. People seem to talk more quietly and have more patience with one another. Throughout the day, all that is shown on television are stories of those we have lost. One after another child appears in the screen as a baby in mother’s arms, a toddler, a schoolchild, a Bar Mitzvah boy, a few pictures of the teen years and then the terrible news that the family received. Sometimes there are stories of how the person died, his last words, his last video, the one that he was taking at the time of his death. Sometimes there are pictures of the scene—and always, the viewer is left with the feeling of loss and emptiness. One after another the precious lives that were lost become part of our consciousness. This year, musicians found poems written by some of the deceased soldiers and set them to music. Then Israeli artists performed these songs as a tribute to those who wrote the words.

Remembrance Day ends at Mount Herzl, in the area around Herzl’s tomb. There Independence Day is declared and the festivities begin. Just as restrained and solemn as Remembrance Day is, that is how exuberant and enthusiastic Independence Day is.

One of the most beautiful parts of the opening ceremonies is the lighting of the twelve torches, one for each tribe of Israel. People are chosen on the basis of their contribution to the society to light each torch. Each one has a story that inspires. One can’t help but be impressed with the people we live amongst, their myriad origins, cultures, religions, races, languages—that all have been woven into this wonderful crazy tapestry that is Israel.

We spent the later part of the evening in the woods not far from our home with about 50 other people, sitting around a campfire and singing songs to the accompaniment of an accordion and listening to their stories of growing up in Israel or arriving as immigrants in the early days of the state. The air was electric as we heard from afar other people singing too and listened to the booms of the fireworks from several nearby communities.

This morning we ate breakfast on our front patio, sitting in our garden, the sun warming us and our flag waving, and we toasted the next year, praying that that our leaders will make wise decisions and that the country will remain strong.

And then, this afternoon, like just about every other Israeli family, we all got together for a traditional cookout! Our son and daughter-in-law host his family and hers each year and this year the weather was pleasant and the children were cooperative and it was hard to believe that there were over 30 children in the house.

On our way home we heard on the news that all of the parks in the center of the country were completely filled- so much so that people were barbequing on the roadsides. Similarly, all of the beaches between Ashkelon and Herzliya were completely filled. There were traffic jams throughout the country and people were asked to have patience…

The downs and the ups, the sadness and the joy, the loss and the completeness, it’s enough to make one confused and upset. However, I think that this emotional shifting of gears is just one more example of the strength that has helped us as a people survive.

The theme this year for Holocaust Remembrance Day, just a week ago, was the difficulty of liberation. How does one go on after the pain? Yet people did it and formed new families and achieved and prospered. So each year, Israel gets to exercise its emotional muscles and we learn once again that after sadness there can be joy.