Ramblings | Dr. Savta

Purim

March 4, 2007 by dr-savta

Oy. Another Purim has come and almost gone. It seems that every year the family increases in size. Of course, that is because it does. Last year, we gained 3 new members, one by marriage and two by birth. That means a lot of chairs to be set up in the living room where on each of the last 7 years my husband has read the megillah to our gathered tribe. It is a happy happy time. We sit amid a sea of beautiful faces with big smiles and fancy costumes and we read of the Jews’ miraculous deliverance from the evil Haman and his followers.

And there is a sense of vulnerability about the whole experience– not just reading of what could have happened to us in Biblical times, but thinking about the threats that have existed to our physical survival over the last 7 years or so with terrorists blowing up buses, restaurants, shopping centers, clubs, bars, and hotels. And then we look out at the Iranian threat and we understand why we are commnded to remember. The world’s memory is all too short. The Holocaust is still a vivid memory for people who survived it and are alive today, and yet knowledge of the horror that occurred is not enough to influence people in the US and in Europe that madness can take hold and innocent people can be murdered by the millions.

So I sit here and look at all these beautiful little people with bright smiles and sharp minds and hearts filled with love, and I pray that the history books will record their era as one in which the evil are brought low and goodness fills the earth.

Filed Under: Family life, Israel, Ramblings, Spirituality

Panta Rei

February 22, 2007 by dr-savta

In college, I was a philosophy major. I remember well reading Heraclitus who said, “panta rei,” everything changes. How clever he was even before this era of galloping technology! He certainly could have been speaking of modes of communication.

The year before my husband and I married, we were living far away from each other, he at Fort Knox, Kentucky, and I in Philadelphia. We kept in touch by mail. We wrote letters to each other, folded them into envelopes, addressed the envelopes and put a stamp on them, and then dropped them into the mailbox. A letter would take between 3 and 5 days to arrive and so minimum response time was about a week. But telephone calls were expensive, so it was our only way of communicating on an ongoing basis.

Once we married, my parents kept in touch with us by telephone. At first the calls were only a couple of times a week and for a couple of minutes each, but as prices fell, the conversations became longer and more frequent.

By the time our oldest son reached college, I was able to email him through my account at university in Philadelphia to his in Jerusalem on a big mainframe computer. As I pushed the button to send his letter into cyberspace, the white letters on the black screen traced the path of the letter from our internal system to somewhere in New York to Paris, to Tel Aviv, and then on to the Hebrew University. The mail wouldn’t always take the same route. Sometimes it would get somewhere in Europe and remain there for seconds or even minutes. Chatting involved a “tell” command that would require the address of the other person and then a quoted message that could run until the end of one line of text. Each line started with “tell” and the address, and even with a macro key, communicating was difficult. Messages would take seconds to minutes to be transmitted.

By the time I moved to Israel in 1995, it was possible to download email and read it off line. After all, at that time there was only dial-up and we were paying by the minute for the telephone line. Rates were lower after 11 p.m. and before 8 a.m., and that was when I usually sent my emails to my husband who still resided in the States. However, with the possibility of offline reading and composing, I was able to send him brief letters several times a day. Meanwhile, as my friends one by one discovered email and we found each other, they began writing letters– long, interesting letters about their life. I think that was the golden age of email. It lasted just a short time until….

People began to send jokes to each other. One could receive the same joke several times in a day. Children’s letters to G-d came around several times a year and still are recycled to this day. It was good to know that my friends were still alive, but the jokes were like a wave across a crowded room.

With the introduction of ICQ and then AIM and other programs, chatting became easier and more satisfying. Once again, there was a method of real communication. There was even the possibility of repartee, but it requires the confluence of free time on both sides.

And then the picture era arrived. Suddenly people began communicating by 1. sending pictures, 2. sending URLs for collections of pictures, and 3. sending PowerPoint presentations. The pictures of family and friends are really special. Many of the PowerPoint presentations are amazing– especially the ones with pictures of nature. But they lack that personal greeting that lets me know what the other person is thinking and feeling.

And now, we are into the YouTube age. Instead of sending pictures, we are sending each other movies– of favorite songs, of comedy routines, of miraculous natural phenomena. But where are the people behind these messages? Sometimes it seems to me that the easier it is to communicate, the less we do it. Friends sharing their lives together over miles and seas? Panta rei.

Filed Under: Ramblings, Relationships

China on my mind

February 14, 2007 by dr-savta

Years ago I lived in Georgia– Fort Benning, to be exact– Sigerfoos Road, to be more exact. It was a very beautiful place with tall, lush trees and green green grass. The summers were hot and moist. Thunderstorms were frequent and heavy with the roads populated by puddles the size of swimming pools. One Friday night on the way home from the chapel, I got so wet, I was afraid I would be arrested for indecent exposure.

But all that rain made Georgia beautiful, green, full of flowers and trees. But despite that, it didn’t really “keep Georgia on my mind.” When we moved away, it became a very lovely memory.

What was on my mind then, on my mind from the time I was about 12, was Israel and my longing to live here. At 12, it was only a vague dream. It was like wanting to go to the moon long before there were moon landings. The possibility was remote, unattainable.

When I married and my husband’s plans were to retire in Israel, it still seemed remote. When you are 20, twenty years in the future might as well be eternity. But Israel “was always on my mind.”

Wel, the dream came true and I have been living here for the last 11 years and every day I am grateful to be here. We may not get the rain we got in Georgia, but the land is green and fruitful and blossoming. What’s more, here, even rain is a blessing. I am where I need to be. I am content.

However, there is another place that has a special place in my heart. We have traveled a bit in the last few years and enjoyed every trip, but for me, China is the most magnificent place to visit. It probably has to do with the beauty of the countryside, the temples and gardens, the karst mountains and rock formations, the picuresque rice fields, the little villages on the water, and the haunting music and dance. I think that what captivates me the most is the Chinese people. They are friendly, happy people. They are warm and helpful, whether they are service personnel or whether they are people on the street. They smile and seem to enjoy life. They are beautiful. I suppose, in a way, I have fallen in love.

Filed Under: China, Ramblings

Settling down

January 14, 2007 by dr-savta

We jut got back from the car’s biannual checkup which was due in November, but we have been on a merry-go-round for a couple of months now and this was the soonest we could get there.

Once we came back from China, Thanksgiving came charging along. And then began a series of weekends away from home to Mitzpeh Ramon, to Eilat, to Kfar Etzion. And visits and a bar mitzvah and a wedding in Tiberias and a gathering we had at our home for all of our friends from the recent China trip and a program we gave, also in our home, on our trip to Russia, and a talk I gave to two different women’s groups about creating memories for our grandchildren.

Last week, of course, was Tzvi’s Bar Mitzvah, and if he wasn’t amazing enough then, he shone bright the night of his party when he gave a wonderful talk based on the week’s Torah portion and when he played several extremely impressive pieces on the harmonica. His sisters performed too, singing and playing instruments. They were all delightful! His cousin Hadas made him a really terrific PowerPoint presentation with pictures of him from when he was a baby to the present time.

And yesterday, on shabbat, we had the pleasure of the company of two of our younger granddaughters, Tamar (5) and Ayala (3). they stayed with us while their parents were away for shabbat at a family event from the other side of the family. I had forgotten just how precious it is to have two little girls to talk to and play with. Tamar, the dark-haired, dark eyed exotic beauty and Ayala, the blonde haired, blue eyed, angelic beauty. What was even sweeter was the Hadas, their big cousin, decided to spend shabbat with us too and to help out with the little girls. All of the girls were just perfect. As were our company, our very good friends, a couple who we enjoy traveling with, and a young man, a new oleh from South Africa who came accompanied by two of his friends. We were an unlikely combination of people, but an altogether amazing experience ensued. We laughted and joked and enjoyed the lunch, including Ayala, who quietly walked over to the recliner and settled in for a nap.

And now, perhaps, after I administer and grade the final exams for my students, maybe life will settle down just a little…

Filed Under: Family life, Ramblings

I don’t get it

January 9, 2007 by dr-savta

As a therapist, I pride myself on not being a voyeur. I listen to my clients’ stories because I want to help them. I do not ask for details that are irrelevant to the treatment nor do I force them to tell me things that they feel uncomfortable talking about. I believe that people are pretty clever about deciding when the appropriate time to reveal things is and how much to reveal.

But outside the therapy room, human relationships that become public knowledge fascinate me. I have a morbid fascination with crimes that take place within the family. I think it stems from the fact that I cannot understand them. I simply don’t understand how a person can harm someone with whom they have had a close personal relationship.

For years I followed the story of the Cherry Hill rabbi who was convicted of hiring two men to kill his wife. I was astounded that the man continued to walk around and be seen in the community and that he could face himself in the morning. I imagined that his ego had taken over and that he enjoyed being a ladies’ man and that he felt that his wife’s death would be a quicker way out of the marriage than divorce. Of course, there was money in the equation. His wife had it and he probably didn’t mind the thought of his having it once she was gone. That he chose to have her killed was not only evil, but it was stupid. He should have known that one of the hired hands would finally talk.

But if he should have known that he would get caught, how much more clever should Rafael Robb have been! He, a professor at the University of Pennsylvania, an Ivy League school (and my alma mater) and no less than a professor of game theory, should have known that he had better options than those he exercised in recent days. Leaving aside for the moment whether or not he killed his wife (although mounting evidence does seem very suspicious), why is it that he decided to lie to the police? Why did he say he was shopping at a specific store when the clerk was able to tell police that he wasn’t there that day? Why did he take time to call the police when he “found his wife”– walking up to his bedroom, putting the dog into his daughter’s room, and then calling the seven digit police number from his car cell phone when there were a number of working telephones in the house and he could have called 911? Why did he deny that his wife was seeking a divorce when he knew that there were people who knew otherwise. Why, if he is so clever at game theory, the ability to predict your opponent’s move, did he make himself look so guilty?

Maybe he did it and he’s evil AND stupid. Maybe he didn’t and he’s just stupid. But for anyone who might be reading this and has some anger toward his/her spouse, there is something called therapy– and if that fails, something called divorce.

Filed Under: Family life, Ramblings, Relationships

Stormy Weather

January 7, 2007 by dr-savta

On a sunny day in 1967, the most miraculous event of my life occurred. I had had many adventure, seen many places, and even gotten married to the guy I’d had a crush on, but until that moment at 5:10 a.m., I didn’t know how it felt to be a mother.

I remember watching in the mirror as the baby’s head became visible. I remember hearing his cry before he had fully emerged. I remember looking at him. Perfect. I will never forget any of it. I remember holding him and feeding him and thinking about who he would become. I wanted to keep him safe and protected and secure always. I hoped that one day he would grow up and become independent.

And then, thirteen years later, my heart felt like it would burst with joy as he became a Bar Mitzvah. His reading of the very long double Torah portion was impressive. Could any mother have been prouder? And then, in what seems like only months later, I got a call from him. He was in college in Israel. He called to say that he had found the girl he wanted to marry and I would soon get to meet her.

My son– wanted to get married. What could this girl possibly be like? And then I met her. She was wonderful. I don’t think I could have found anyone better for him had I searched everywhere. And then there was the wedding on a beautiful Jerusalem evening with the stars shining and the music playing and tears running down my face as my son began his new life.

It was a cold ,snowy day in New York in December when I took my husband to the airport as he left to attend the brit of our first grandson in Israel. I followed a day or two later and on a cold rainy January day, our first grandson entered the covenant of our father Abraham.

And in another blink of the eye, this weekend, on a cold, rainy, foggy Shabbat, we celebrated the Bar Mitzvah of this first grandson who read the entire Torah portion and lead the Shabbat service and gave a scholarly lecture.

The years pass all too quickly, but they are filled with joy and I am more grateful than I can say.

Mazal tov to Ben and Ilana and Tzvi!

Filed Under: Family life, Parenting, Ramblings

In Search of Miracles

December 25, 2006 by dr-savta

These days I find myself in a not-so-good mood. The latest reason for my anger at our suicidal government is a headline that says: IDF Intel: Hamas threat will be significantly worse in a year. No surprise, of course, to me. But apparently, our Prime Minister believes that making more and more “gestures” to the folks who are only disagreeing with Hamas on the tactics of bringing about our demise will somehow bring about the peace that we desire. Of course the peace that Israel desires is a bit different than the peace the Arabs desire. In their megalomaniacal brains, peace will come when there are no longer any Jews living in Israel– or perhaps, when there are no longer any Jews living at all. But, there goes Mister Olmert, intoxicated by his own ego, blithely removing 27 checkpoints (places where terrorists wearing explosive belts can be stopped before they blow up Israelis in buses and restaurants and malls) and offering to free Arab prisoners as a “goodwill” gesture while they continue to hold our kidnapped soldier. It makes me sick. This man is gambling not just with my life and the lives of my children and grandchildren, but the entire future of Jewish life in Israel. And let”s not even talk about the rearming of Hezbollah.

In a recent poll, something like 33% of Israelis said that what will save Israel in the future are miracles. We had just better start praying harder.

Filed Under: Israel, Ramblings

A couple of thoughts

December 24, 2006 by dr-savta

Two things have been bothering me and I need to talk about both.

1. I do not enjoy the fact that in the past week, the three mentions of Hanuka in the New York Times, all had to do with Jewish families who were celebrating Xmas. Don’t get me wrong. Xmas is a beautiful and wonderful holiday for Christians. It is a very special time of the year for them and it is of deep religious significance. But is it NOT an “American holiday.” It is NOT a “secular holiday.” And whoever thinks it is and writes about it that way and thinks that tinsel and stockings are what it’s about is being downright disrespectful of people who take it very seriously.

But I don’t fault the people in the stories. After all, those whose stories I read are people whose observance of Judaism is limited to the outer trappings and the outer trappings of Hanuka are clearly less attractive than those of Xmas. After all, what is a menora whose full splendor comes to the fore only after seven nights of increasing light to a Xmas tree with ornaments and lights and fake snow and tinsel and gifts beneath it? Were these people to understand the deep religious significance of Hanuka and of other Jewish festivals and observances, they would not cast them aside nor think of them as lacking in any way. They would be touched by the presence and protection of G-d at a time when the Syrian-Greeks were spreading Hellenism and asking Jews to join them, when only the brave were able to stand up and say that what we have and what we are committed to is precious to us. They would understand that the capitulation to the trappings of a holiday that is not ours is an echo of the same battle that Hanuka commemorates.

2. On a totally different subject: To those beauty queens who have been naughty girls- showing what shouldn’t be shown and doing what shouldn’t be done– Women!!! Are you crazy? This is not the 1950s when only camera nuts had cameras. This is not the 1960s or 70s when those little instamatics could only take pictures from 6 to 8 feet away from the subject. This isn’t even the era of film cameras most of which were big and all of which required film, meaning the expenditure of money and limited numbers of pictures. This is the new millenium. We have digital cameras. They are so tiny that we have to lift up an envelope to find them and can lose them in our pockets. They can take thousands of pictures on one memory card and those pictures don’t cost even a penny. There are cameras on cell phones. Yoo hoo…. how can you possibly think that no one will see what you look like when you are acting out??? You attract attention to yourselves and then are “surprised” at being caught? I mean, I thought the days of the “not-so-smart-but-has-a great-bod” were over. When you act in such unintelligent ways, you women embarrass me. You embarrass your mothers. You embarrass yourselves. Get a grip! Respect yourselves. How you look is G-d’s gift to you. How you act, is your gift to yourself.

OK, I’ve said it and I’m done! (for now.)

Filed Under: Ramblings, Spirituality

Travel

December 22, 2006 by dr-savta

One thing that Israelis like to do is travel. Go anywhere in the world that Jews can travel without getting killed (you can understand which countries are off limits) and there you will find an abundant supply of Israelis.

The first time I noticed it was when as a college student I was traveling through Europe. In Rome, I climbed to the top of the “Wedding Cake” monument to Victor Emmanuel and what did I find? Yep. Two Israelis. I have since done a lot of traveling (after all, in March of 1998, I officially became an Israeli!) and there we are– everywhere I look– at the top of the Festung in Salzburg, in the Salt Mines in Werfen, on a city tour bus in Budapest, in Moscow and St. Petersburg, on a boat on the Li River in Guilin, China. We are everywhere.

And in addition, we love to explore our own country. Many Israelis enjoy hiking and discovering all of the wonders of our land. Like us, many Israelis go three or four or five times a year to places in Israel they have never visited before to learn about the history (and every rock here has a history!), to see the enchanting views, to see the wildflowers, the migrating birds, the mountain ibexes, the waterfalls and pools. This is indeed a wondrous land and maybe the fact that Israel is so jam-packed with interesting places is what makes us believe that the world must be filled with additional places of interest.

One thing we Israelis love to do is to make contact with Jews living in cities throughout the world. There is a certain excitement about finding “family” wherever we go. Their very existence gladdens us and our visits to them strengthen both them and us.

It came as no surprise to me to find that Jews were involved in trade from earliest times, traveling the silk and spice routes, interacting with other cultures. When we were in China, many of the parallels between their culture and ours struck us as needing to have come from an interplay of the cultures. Certainly the private prayer of the Emperor in the Temple of Heaven for a good harvest reminded us of the high priest going into the Holy of Holies, the inner chamber of the Temple in Jerusalem, on Yom Kippur. The structure of their palaces and gardens was not dissimilar to the structure of the tabernacle in the wilderness and the Temple in Jerusalem.

The experience of traveling, whether in Israel or outside of it is always interesting and offers the opportunity to appreciate the vastness of creation, the beauty of the Earth, and, as Jews, our special place in the universe.

Filed Under: China, Israel, Ramblings, Spirituality

Tikkun Olam

December 12, 2006 by dr-savta

It’s been tough to write recently. I don’t want to write about the situation in Israel. It’s all too frightening. We have a government led by a man who has great difficulty keeping his foot out of his mouth and his hands out of other people’s pockets. At present, the press has stopped obssessing over our President’s legal difficulties (the allegations of improper sexual conduct) and all we are concerned about is the possibility that the man who says he wants to annihilate Israel will succeed in building a nuclear powerhouse that will destroy not only Israel, but all of Western civilization. All of this, while the Western countries debate whether sanctions are in order. What, may I ask, is the good of all of the Holocaust memorials and education if the Western world is sitting around and waiting to see if a madman who has vowed death and destruction really will do it??? And don’t these ostriches know that once he is done with us they are next???

When I was a little girl, my father told me that he too lived through difficult times. He told me that people talked about whether the world would survive. He told me that he believes that the world is stronger than the evil that wants to destroy it. He was not a traditionally religious man, but he had more faith in the goodness of the world and the kindness of people than anyone I have ever met. He was the consummate optimist while at the same time understanding and being concerned with reality. His gift of optimism is what keeps me going, keeps me hopeful.

We are taught that our lives are seen in a balance with the good deeds we do on one side and the places where we fail on the other and that any one act can tip the balance. I think of our place in the world in the same way. I believe that adding goodness in any place at any time can shift the balance. I believe that showing kindness to our family, friends, and strangers, being helpful, considerate, and understanding can bring enough goodness to the world to outweigh the destructiveness and hate that threaten us. We need to appreciate the beauty in each person and recognize in each other the holy spark of the Divine that resides in all of us.

This is one way in which we can bring about “tikkun olam” -healing the world.