Parents

When we enter the world, they are there. Our parents. They are there to love us, nurture us, teach us, guide us. They are, of course, only human, so despite the love they feel for us, they may say and do things that harm us physically or emotionally. But still, we look to them for guidance and for approval. So strong is the drive for a parent’s love that an overly close attachment is frequently a sign of overt child abuse. The child, thinking himself the cause of the parent’s anger, tries desperately to regain the parent’s love.

As we go through life, our parents are our guides and protectors. They help us understand the world. They teach us their values. They work to give us all of the things that they want us to have. When we don’t meet their expectations, they disapprove. They lecture. They punish. But they do it because they want us to be the best we can be. They want to be proud of us.

So we struggle between our desire to have a close relationship with them and our desire to find ourselves. Throughout our teen years, we discover our own values. In our twenties, we test those values in the real world, and by our thirties, if we are lucky, we finally know who we are.

All this time, our parents are fading into the sidelines. Now instead of being directors of our lives, they are the critics. They offer their opinions— thumbs up, thumbs down. Sometimes they offer guilt trips. But they are there. They are always there for us to connect to and draw from. They offer their experience, their expertise, their love.

And most of the time, our relationship with them is complex. We love them and they drive us crazy. We want to be close to them and we wish they would leave us alone.

And then, if we are lucky, they grow older, and they need us to help them out. As their physical strength wanes, we must take on the caregiving nurturing role. Sometimes that offers a chance to connect in a new way. Sometimes it becomes a test of wills and a difficult challenge for the children. But always, the parent remains a parent and his or her love is what the child desires.

And they when they have gone, we children begin to realize anew how precious were moments that we shared with them. We remember our mother’s laughter, her blush of self-consciousness, her clever wit, her unbounded energy. We remember our father’s gentle voice, his soft touch, his optimism and his appreciation of beautiful things.

We hold these within us and cherish them. We take on these qualities to honor them and remember them. We understand the fragility of life. We know that patience, a kind word, a smile can heal and we know that if we want to live a life with few regrets, that we have to remember that we never know when a goodbye will be the last one.

Surprises

I have never had a surprise party. I guess it’s because no one ever thought about making me one. Once, for my birthday about 11 years ago, all of my children got together and we went out to eat when I had expected only some to show up and then when I got home there were all sorts of practical gifts for me. I had just moved to Israel and was missing things like an iron and ironing board and full length mirror, and a few other things. It was a lovely evening despite the fact that the wait staff at the brand new Thai restaurant had as little a clue as we did what was on the menu. They seemed to deliver random items to the table, a fact that was confirmed when one asked “who had the fish?” The answer was that no one had ordered fish. My guess is that none of us had ordered anything that we were served. But it was a happy evening and one that I like to remember.

So this year, when my birthday rolled around, it made me really happy to get a couple of emails and telephone calls and a beautiful bouquet of flowers from all of the children. They had remembered and that was very special.

My daughter Leah had invited us to dinner tonight, something that was unusual, but it seemed like a very nice idea. My husband and I both have colds and really were feeling sluggish tonight, but we went anyway. Imagine my surprise when she opened the door to her apartment and there were two other children and their spouses, a couple of grandchildren and a couple of our best friends! I really was surprised. I hadn’t even had a thought that this might be a party!

It was a lovely evening. Our son, Sam and his wife, Ofi entertained us with tales of their children who are very interesting children who say and do cute things. We did a lot of laughing and that felt really good.

I am really grateful for my good friends and my wonderful family. I want to thank my dear husband and fabulous children and especially those terrific people who are married to my children– who chose spouses, but surely didn’t choose me! They are all super people and I appreciate them and love them as my own.

Thank you all!

Back from the North

It’s been a busy week. We had a visiting relative who we took to Jerusalem and then up north. It gave us the opportunity to see the north for the first time since the war and to spend a little money where it’s needed.

We were surprised to see very little damage in the area where we traveled although there was a minor rocket hit in an alley not far from where we stayed.

I had forgotten how beautiful the land is. I love the starkness of the hills, dotted with acacias and sycamores and olive trees. I love the stone streets and alleys and the shuttered stone dwellings.

Of course, Jerusalem is the crowning glory, and so we spent time there too. I have uploaded some of the pictures to this site.

Life goes on

Life has been busy lately.

On Thursday we went to the rally in Rabin Square in Tel Aviv. We left our home in Modi’in, drove to Ben Gurion Airport, and took the train into the city, assuming that traffic and parking would be difficult. We walked about 20 minutes to the rally which was well-attended– depending on who you ask, there were between 60K and 100K people there. That’s pretty impressive for a country of under 7 million when everyone in the country agrees that the soldiers need to come home. the people there were not protesting anything– rather giving strength to the families and appealing to our own leaders and leaders throughout the world to do whatever it takes to bring these young men home. Most impressive was Rabbi Yisrael Meir Lau’s (former chief rabbi of Israel, current chief rabbi of Tel Aviv) challenge to Nasrallah that as another man of religion, to show himself as a compassionate human being… as a father who himself lost a son, who should know what it feels like to have that sort of pain, he should be ready to deal kindly.

Of course, as far as I am concerned, asking Nasrallah to act like a compassionate human being would be like asking a snake to walk on all four of his legs. I don’t think that he is capable of human feelings of compassion and kindness. Several years ago, I referred to him as an animal and my daughter reminded me that I was insulting her dog who would never act cruelly unless he really felt a personal threat.

So we went and we displayed our concern for the suffering of the families, and these young men are never out of our consciousness as we, along with the rest of the people of Israel, wait for their return.

On Friday morning, a friend of a friend arrived in Israel for a first visit and since then we have been introducing him to Israel. Last night, after dark, we went to the Western Wall (the Kotel) and found it full of people from all over Israel as well as plenty of tourists.

In the air was the sound of the shofar and the sound of a small band of seminary students playing the music of traditional prayers. The air was cool and clear. We walked through the stone alleys of the Jewish Quarter. We noted that the Hurva Synagogue, long a symbol of the destruction of the city by the Jordanians after the War of Independence– readily identified by the single arch reminiscent of the former roofline– is being reconstructed. The arch was gone and the area was full of construction materials. We are still rebuilding Jerusalem.

Jerusalem is a treasure. It is our place. It is our home. Jerusalem is a magical city.

Back to normal?

I have been recovering from the war for the last few days. I didn’t realize how badly it had affected me until it was over and I found myself listening to music on the radio for the first time in weeks. Suddenly the tones I heard were melodic and not the cacaphonous voices of the talking heads.

I also discovered that it is possible to be awake and conscious without eating. It seems that I become orally fixated at the thought of imminent annihilation. I suppose subconsciously I believe that the more of me there is the harder it will be to make me disappear. But the other day, I began to realize that real people do not chain-eat.

I find myself feeling like I can go out again and not have to worry that something will happen and I won’t know about it. I am able to go for several hours without hearing the news. I was able to go out and buy dolls and gifts for some of the grandchildren.

I even took out the second of four photo albums I had bought for our pictures from China with the intention of adding to the several pages I had started. Having taken about 1150 pictures, there is still a lot of work to do and since we returned, we have been to Slovakia, Austria, and Hungary (you may recall my bout of scenery burnout) on one trip and to Moscow and St. Petersburg on another. So far, those pictures are still only pixels on their creator’s hard drive and CDs. And my good intentions seem to be no more inspired than they were before the war. The album and pictures are, however, cluttering my living room, waiting patiently for my attention.

But today I suggested to my husband that we take a drive to the beach one evening and eat sandwiches as the sun sets. I suppose that craving for normality is being fed by the tense and perhaps illusory halt in fighting.

The human spirit is powerful. We strive for normality no matter what the situation. The people in shelters became a community. The ceasefire brought them back to their homes, full of hope that they might resume a normal life. Through illness and pain, we imagine that a better time is coming. The good and brave among us help bring the good times through their labors and sacrifice. We dream, we strive, we hope, we go on.

And so, the next time I write, I will be back to writing about normal things.

Yet more from the home front

I was going to write an article asking what most Americans would do if their cities were being bombarded by houndreds of rockets– Rockets aimed at hospitals (yes, they’ve been targeting hospitals in Haifa, Safed, and Nahariya, striking one in Nahariya , but the patients had been moved underground), shopping centers, schools, and homes AND it wasn’t stopping AND people were being injured and killed AND people were either forced to move out of their homes or to spend weeks in shelters AND they knew where the launcher was… What would they do? Would they want to put it out of commission? Would they want to save the lives of their citizens? Would they attempt to warn any civilians in the area of the launcher that it is not a safe place to be? Would they do it many times over a period of time with leaflets, radio announcements? And then, finally, take out the launcher? Then why is it Israel’s fault if innocent Lebanese were killed? Did they stay because they were true believers in the cause and wanted to be martyrs? Well, then perhaps they bear the responsibility for what happened. Were they prevented from leaving by Hezbollah? Well, then Hezbollah bears the responsibility.

And now, after listening to a briefing by the most self-conscious Army in the world, there’s a large doubt as to what happened there and to who and what caused those deaths. Naomi Ragen sent out the following which summarizes what we know:

1. Tonight, an IDF spokesman showed aerial photos of rockets being fired from residential areas in Qana. It showed the portable rocket launchers being parked beneath residential buildings. The spokesman said that the bombs dropped on Qana were dropped at 1 a.m. The reports of the building collapse took place at 7 a.m. Also, no bombs actually hit the building. So, who was responsible for the collapse of that building? Could Hezbollah weapons have exploded, destroying the building? Was it deliberate, a way to pressure Israel into a ceasefire the same way they did last time, in exactly the same spot? And whyis no one in the media picking up on this time gap and asking questions?

2. The number of those injured is being supplied byLebanese sources, and being quoted by all the news stations. So far, only 26 bodies have been recovered. But news reports are saying the number was twice that, and half are children. That too is supplied by unknown sources and repeated by the major media.

3. At 7 a.m. a barrage of Hezbollah rockets hit the shopping center and buildings of Kiryat Shmona, unlike anything else the town has experienced. Altogether 1500 kilograms of bombs have hit the area’s
approximately 25,000 residents remaining in their homes. Where is the outrage over that?

Blessed be G-d

Sometimes it hits me all over again…

A few minutes ago, a rocket scored a direct hit on a large apartment house in Haifa. When the reporter interviewed the police officer about the condition of the people in the building, he answered that there were only two people lightly injured, “blessed be G-d.”

What a country!

My son wrote me this: More than 110,000 residents of northern Israel have fled their homes due to the bombing. The difference between them and the Lebanese refugees is that we don’t think of them as refugees; they are simply guests.

Kibbutz Givat Brenner near Rehovot, for example, is hosting 500 guests from Kibbutz Snir. Last night about 45 youth slept on the floor of the gymnasium. The gymnasium is considered a good place to stay, due to the shower stalls there.

For those concerned about us, you can read about what two communities are doing for our brothers and can give your help, should you choose. Remember, these are only two of the communities that are assisting and they are two small communities. Our people are being housed throughout the center and south of the country:

FROM: LEMAAN ACHAI:

Not just the date is 24/7 – that’s how the community in Bet Shemesh is responding to the War and its Refugee Crisis.

Phase One – The first few days of this war brought untold numbers of families fleeing the rockets & terror of the North, to their families and friends in Bet Shemesh. One local family has 35 guests in their small apartment; another has 15, in addition to their own family of seven. Hundreds of other apartments in our town now have sundry extra folks who’ve turned up, and are being warmly hosted.

Phase Two – In a remarkable cross-community coordinated program, Bet Shemesh Municipality, together with the Community Centers, Charitable Organisations and many many volunteers, have undertaken a community-based refugee relief program.

Two schools have so far been opened up their doors (Shaalei Torah and Uziel); Shaalei Torah has taken 105 people from Tiveria/Tiberius and Hatzor; Uziel school has 52 people from Naharia; 35 in Nofei Aviv; 9
in Maorot Yeshiva from Naharia; 41 at the Kadosh Family. Total: 233 refugees.

In addition, many of the families who are lodging with their families and friends in Bet Shemesh (Phase One), are now hitting the limits of reasonable hospitality. Both financially and emotionally, too many people in too small a place on zero-budget for who-knows-how-long, is a major stress.

Basic meals have been arranged for all these people. Everyone has a mattress, blanket, access to showers, etc. Summer camps have been initiated for the kids, run by Ariel and Bnei AkivaYouth Groups. The Community Centers are helping with cultural activities and arranging volunteers. A buddy scheme has been set up, matching incoming refugee families with local hosting families (who provide laundry,showers, and social support). The whole community is working on this – 24/7.

Lema’an Achai www.lemaanachai.org , together with Deputy Mayor Mr Shalom Lerner, has been mandated to raise and manage the funding of the food and other primary needs of this shell-shocked & transient population. (No Government funds have been made available for this).

The cost is currently $2200/day. And rising.

Current Status: We have many calls each day from towns all over the North of Israel – pleading with us to accept more buses of despairing families, unable to take the constant air raid sirens, exploding rockets, the cramped bomb shelters and fearful, screaming kids.

We want to immediately accept the next 200-300 people into our very hospitable and welcoming town. In order to do this we need more money for food; we need to buy more mattresses, blankets and other basic
items. Total cost will be around $4000/day, plus $10,000 in purchased goods.

Third Phase: We are also developing a solution for when the schools become overloaded. So that we can accommodate 1000 or even more refugees. We’re looking at tent cities and other emergency-relief solutions.

Lema’an Achai, a highly reputable, prize-winning charity in Bet Shemesh, has now established a designated Refugee Relief Fund to meet these emergency needs, with its own subcommittee of experts to oversee, supervise and prioritise allocations.

Please now donate generously to:-

24 Hour Credit Card Service in Israel – +972 (0)2. 99.999.33

US Tax Deductible Donations:
Checks payable to: “US Friends of Lema’an Achai”
Memo line – “Refugee Relief”
PO Box 532, Oceanside, NY 11572-0532

UK Tax Deductible Donations:
Cheques payable to “Jewish Aid Committee”
c/o Refugee Relief Fund – Lema’an Achai,
40/7 Nachal Lachish,
Ramat Beit Shemesh,
99093, Israel.

Canadian Tax Deductible Donations:
Checks payable to: “Shaarei Tefilah Charity Fund” –
Memo Line: Refugee Relief Fund – Lema’an Achai
C/O Murray Shore, 31 Marvill StreetToronto, Ontario, M3H 3L2

Israel Tax Deductible Donations:
Checks Payable to “Lema’an Achai – Refugee Relief Fund”
40/7 Nachal Lachish,
Ramat Beit Shemesh,
99093, Israel.

In the (happy!) event that any funds raised are not required for Refugee Relief, they will be used for other critical charitable services.

Any questions – feel free to call David (+972-2-9997107). 24/7.

Thank you for your generous support.
——————————————————–
FROM THE EFRAT FOUNDATION:

As a result of the many missiles raining down on the communities in Israel’s North and the evacuation of civilians from that area, we are hosting at this point in Efrat, close to 300 people and we’ll be happy to take more if needed. Our social services in coordination with the municipalities of Karmiel, Moshav Or Haganuz, Moshav Bar Yochai, Tzfat and the Bay area outside Haifa, has coordinated the arrival here of these evacuee families.

The families that have arrived are already in the dormitories of our Educational facilities which have been re-opened despite being closed for the summer vacation. These facilities will service the rooms, provide a dining hall with hot meals, and activities for the children. The Efrat Emergency Medical Center is providing medical attention free of charge. We are opening our hearts to them and trying to give them some minimum relief in the hope that the fighting will soon be successfully over, and they will be able to return home. Many of our
local residents are involved in the logistics, planning, hosting, and opening their homes on a voluntary basis, including our youth.

The Efrat Municipality is funding the food for all these people on our own. The cost of hospitality for a person for a day is $20 for meals and $5 for activities and transportation for the kids.

We ask you at this time of emergency to help us now! Help fund a brother from the North by sponsoring them! You can really help!

Your tax deductible donation can be made out to

`The Efrat Development Foundation'(payee)
EIN 20-2178658 (501 C 3)
for our “Ezra LaTzafon” (Assistance to the North) project, and sent to:
Efrat Development Foundation USA
c/o Mr. Joe Katz,
Meltzer, Lippe, Goldstein & Breitstone, LLP,
190 Willis Ave, Mineola, NY 10501

Ups and downs

It is fascinating to watch people coping with this war. In addition to the cookers and the cleaners, there are the watchers (of the news) and the listeners (to the news) and the avoiders (of all news) and those, like me, who regulate the amount of news they can tolerate on an hour by hour basis. There are some days that I am with the news almost constantly and others that I spend very little time listening or watching. And I believe that each and every person has his or her own way of coping.

But, strangely enough, life goes on, albeit in a sadder tone.

Today I took my daughter to Raanana to make a shiva call at the home of a family whose son, a major in the Israeli Army, had been killed in the fierce battle with Hezbollah that took place north of Avivim. His story, like so many others, is tragic. He had married only three weeks ago. He and his wife had just begun to set up their home. The son of Anglo immigrants, he seems to have been someone who everyone loved. My daughter was visiting because she had been a coworker of his mother.

While in Raanana, we took a walk on the tree lined main street which was bustling with traffic and populated by stores filled with wares that spilled out onto the sidewalk. People were sitting in cafes and people were walking through the street as if it were just a normal day. I remarked to my daughter that had I taken a videotape of our walk today, no one would have believed that things here are so normal.

Of course in the North they are anything but normal. By this morning, before the day’s barrage of rockets, Nahariya, a lovely seaside town where we spent a weekend this past winter, had sustained damage to 500 buildings. And that is only in one town. Hezbollah has hit in or around every town in the North of Israel.

So there is simultaneously this sense of things being fine and of pain and loss and destruction. And this week we added into the mix one more factor.

On Friday July 14, our youngest son and his wife presented us with a darling new granddaughter. This past Thursday she was given the name “Shira”. We pray that she will grow up in a country that will be safe and secure and where none will make her afraid.

Another day

It’s another surrealistic day in Israel. All day long Hezbollah has been lobbing rockets our way as well as mortars. They have hit pretty much every place in the North that people live. At times they were firing over 70 an hour. Most, thank G-d, landed in open fields starting fires, but not harming homes or people. However, some did damage to livestock—one hit alone killed tens of cattle. And the constant firing means that farmers can’t tend their livestock or their crops. However, once again, we paid the highest price with two soldiers killed in a firefight and three Israeli Arabs killed in Nazareth.

Shimon Peres, a well-known dove, former friend and confidante of Yassir Arafat, said today, “What does Hezbollah want? We have nothing that belongs to them. We have not threatened them.” He understands the irrationality of their hate, a hate so great that they put all of Israel and all of Lebanon in danger. I called my daughter up this evening and told her to make a note of this day. Chaim Ramon, a man whose opinions have been predictably diametrically opposed to mine was saying exactly what I believe—that this is a battle we HAVE to win. This is a battle that the Western world needs us to win. We are the front line in the terror war and we can’t afford to cave for our own sakes and for the sake of the rest of the freedom loving nations.

Our days here in Modi’in are fairly calm. It’s quiet outside and there is a warm breeze. At the health club this afternoon, I biked while watching our soldiers firing mortars and heard the reporters speaking as katyushas landed around them. I heard about the terror alert that paralyzed the center of the country until the terrorist and his explosives were located and the attack was prevented. I saw the battle in Nablus around the Mukata, I heard about the Kassams being fired from Gaza and heard about the man who died from a heart attack after a Kassam landed nearby. His brother had been killed in a terror attack about a year ago.

We pray for our soldiers, for those in the line of fire, for our leaders to continue to lead us with wisdom, and for G-d’s help in this just cause.

If you are interested in getting a newscast from Israel in English, this URL will be helpful to you. Thanks for all of the public and private support. I could never tell you how much it means to us.

From the home front

Another day has passed and with it more rockets landing from Lebanon. For those who are worried about us, I need to recount a phone conversation I had tonight. Our daughter’s in-laws live in Haifa and I spoke with her mother-in-law tonight, again offering to house them for as long as they would like to spend here. She answered that they are fine. They feel safe. They have been in their house reading, listening to music, watching television, taking advantage of the time at home to get things done. They are fine. They are not worried.

Of course, we in the center of the country feel safe and confident, but it is particularly reassuring to me that those in the line of fire are just as confident.

And a personal note: Our youngest granddaughter who will reach the ripe old age of a week on Friday and still has not been named, is very adorable. We enjoyed visiting her and her siblings on Tuesday. And it felt very nice to pick up our younger daughter and her husband who returned in the middle of the night from a trip overseas. It’s good to have them back home.