Poofy (Leah’s dog) responded to the 8 things meme on his blog Check it out. He’s one articulate dog.
Archives for 2007
Thanksgiving
November 23, 2007 by
Living in Israel is sometimes surrealistic. OK, who am I kidding? It’s always surrealistic to live in a country that is working and building and thriving at the same time as hundreds of millions of people are preparing for/waiting for/praying for its destruction. It is a country that at once is the best place to live (at least I think so) and is the most self-deprecating, self-destructive country I know. It is a country with a huge amount of intellectual capital with little of it residing in the people who are running it.
So it should not have seemed odd to have lived in two different worlds in the last couple of days. We were getting much needed rain in quantities that were awe-inspiring and the sun would then peek out for a few minutes and then the downpours would resume. Meanwhile, my cousin who was visiting in Manhattan was messaging me about the beautiful weather there. At the same time on Wednesday evening that I was waiting for my fresh mehadrin turkey to be brought to me by a man who lives in Kiyat Arba (outside of Hebron) I was watching the Fox News Network and I was back in the US, preparing for Thanksgiving with the Americans.
And last night, we had our turkey and cranberry sauce and all sorts of goodies including pumpkin pie (baked by my daughter) and apple pie (baked by me) and we enjoyed the company of our children and our current youngest grandchild– and felt thankful– grateful for the home we knew in the US, privileged to be able to come and make our homes here, and grateful to the source of all blessings for all of the blessings that have been bestowed upon us.
Another 8 things meme
November 20, 2007 by
I thank my dear daughter for the opportunity to wrack my brain to answer this meme. I had thought that she would have stopped keeping me up all night about 28 years ago, but last night’s foray into the wonderful world of CT scans was only the latest of our late-night bonding sessions. As she pointed out, in one of the more successful ones, she ended up coming home with a baby. All kidding aside, this was an interesting one to work on. Answers are not necessarily in any logical order.
8 passions in my life:
1. My husband, despite his beard
2. My children– who couldn’t be more terrific
3. The dentist, the juggler, the nurse, and the professor (in alphabetical order)
4. My grandchildren– each and every one of those magnificent young people– they all make me very proud!
5. My extended family including my sister and my cousins and others we include as family
6. The Land of Israel
7. People who walk humbly with G-d
8. China
8 things to do before I die:
1. Live 120 years (or more if I’m still having fun)
2. See my grandchildren grow up
3. Spend lots of leisure time with my family
4. Be a great-grandmother
5. Get my house in enough order that my kids won’t curse me when they’re cleaning it out
6. See the people of Israel living without external threats
7. See all of the Jews come home
8. Let those I love know how much I love them
8 Things I often say:
1. You always have to behave yourself
2. Somebody’s got to be the grownup
3. Take it easy
4. Take care of yourself
5. Be kind to each other
6. Okie Dokie
7. I sure could use a coke
8. Where are my keys?
Eight Books I read recently
1. Wild Swans- Jung Chang
2. To Live- Yu Hua
3. Chronicle of a Blood Merchant- Yu Hua
4. Mao’s Last Dancer- Li Cunxin
5. Snow Flower and the Secret Fan- Lisa See
6. Empress- Shan Sa
7. Leaving Mother Lake- Yang Erche Namu & Christine Mathieu
8. Mao: The Unknown Story- Jung Chang and Jon Halliday
8 songs that mean something to me:
1. Try to Remember
2. The Green Leaves of Summer
3. Shanghai Breezes
4. HaMalach Hagoel
5. Min HaMaamakim (Idan Raichel)
6. Let Me Call You Sweetheart
7. Ki Tin’am
8. Ra’iti Ir Otefet Or
8 Qualities I look for in a friend:
1. Kindness
2. Healthy outlook
3. Good sense of humor
4. Self-awareness
5. Intelligence
6. Optimism
7. Energy
8. Passion
8 people I am tagging
Everyone I know personally who has a blog has already been tagged. Anyone reading this who wishes to be tagged, consider yourself tagged and please link back and leave a note so that I can find where you’ve posted.
I met a woman
November 15, 2007 by
I met a woman. I can’t tell you too much about her because she deserves her privacy, but trust me, this woman has been through heart-wrenching, excruciating, cutting, crushing pain in her life.
I found this out only after I had known her for a while.
Before that I thought of her as a sunny, loving, kind, caring person. She exuded warmth and that special inner beauty of hers was evident in everything she said and did.
That’s how I used to think of her.
But now that I know her story, I know that she is miraculous. I think of her as a hero.
I see so many people whose lives are objectively fine. Their husband/wife is too hard/too easy on the children. They don’t feel appreciated enough. They don’t get enough help around the house or their spouse expects too much of them. Some of these people make themselves miserable. They whine and moan, not just in therapy (where I get paid to listen) but to their friends and relatives and neighbors and children setting off time bombs that will erupt into divorce.
I want to introduce them to my miraculous woman…. because she knows how to value each joyful experience each kindness, each day.
Love your spouse
November 13, 2007 by
Is your husband/wife driving you nuts? Does s/he sound hostile, negative or generally unhappy? Love him/her! Tell your spouse how proud you are to be married to him/her. Be generous with praise, kindness, and helpfulness. Do it even if you think it isn’t appreciated. Do it more and more and more.
Sometimes people go through bad times emotionally because of changes in life stages or physical concerns. People become overwhelmed with the tasks of life, with the worries of others, with their feelings of frustration. They may act withdrawn or angry. Their spouse feels hurt, left out, angry in return and then everything begins to deteriorate.
It is exactly when your spouse is the least lovable that s/he needs the most love, concern, and caring. It’s not about fairness; it’s about the relationship that you hope to have in the future.
Negative cycles can begin for the most insignificant reasons and deteriorate easily into anger and acrimony. But the test of love and devotion is to be there with your spouse at those times and to continue to give and give and then give some more in the knowledge that once again someday s/he will be back with you as a partner and a lover and someone with whom you will feel happy to share you life.
Once again, back from China
November 12, 2007 by
I returned from China on Friday morning, bringing with me a lot of souvenirs, including a French couple who had not known that the time of our arrival had been moved back 24 hours and who could not make it back to Paris before shabbat. Fortunately, they, like the others who traveled with me this time, we completely delightful people who were very considerate of me and so when I conked out at dinner Friday night and then at lunch Saturday morning, understood that it wasn’t personal.
Unpacking is always an adventure since in China one always picks up a little bit here and a little bit there and the prices are so reasonable, we find ourselves going and buying even more when it dawns on us that we can get many many items for not so much money. And always, there is the excitement of finding out just how many little ethnic doll keychains or little girls’ purses or magnetic bracelets I have managed to accumulate here, there, and everywhere.
And every item is happy! A couple of years ago when we traveled to Hungary and Austria, even the few souvenirs we could have afforded were dour, heavy, muted– like the experience we had traveling there. China is full of light and life. In the nooks and crannys of little villages, there is light and color and joy. Red “good luck” tassels and lanterns dot the landscape. Drying on the roof are corn and red peppers. The children smile and say “Hello!” The adults gladly pose for pictures, often displaying the “V” sign with their fingers. Men and women carrying heavy baskets laden with fruits and produce from poles suspended over their necks smile and bow and one feels from them a joy in their lives.
The Chinese people have been through terrible times. Between the Great Leap Forward and the Cultural Revolution, they saw starvation and death and devastation that dwarfs the experience of other nations. But there seems to be such a sense of happiness and purpose among the people. They are kind and helpful and despite having no language in common, they communicate with their visitors.
I always return from China with a feeling of wholeness, and each time I go, I anticipate it even more excitedly!
So now I am home, in the loving arms of my family, and looking forward to Thanksgiving and Hanuka but with the faint sound of the Chinese flute still echoing in my ears.
Draggin’
November 11, 2007 by
Just got home from the city of nine dragons and now I’m draggin’ too! China was once again beautiful beyond words and Hong Kong was, well, interesting…
More when I wake up…
The moral high-ground
October 25, 2007 by
Yesterday Israel commemorated the assassination of the late Prime Minister, Yitzchak Rabin. Twelve years ago, he was killed by a man who probably was unbalanced at the time and certainly was provoked by an agent of the Israel government, Avishai Raviv, who has since been sanitized and has disappeared from public view. The assassin has been in jail ever since.
People who teach the “Rabin Legacy” speak of “the right” as having killed Rabin. They speak of the rabbis and teachers whose speech led to it. This is of course, patently untrue. “The right” is not a monolithic group and it certainly does not have a tradition of killing its opponents. In addition, every person carries the responsibility for his own acts.
It was Rabin who pitted himself against “the right,” delegitimizing them in the service of his making a peace with the Arabs that even he knew was unlikely to come. It was he who characterized “the right” as being unworthy of consideration. His words and actions were harsh.
So now, each year on the anniversary of the assassination, the Rabin spokespeople talk about democracy and openness, and it was only last night that one of them said (referring to the assassin) “he and his whole disgusting family of insects…” and then went on in a high-toned manner to deplore “incitement.”
I think that Yitzchak Rabin’s assassination was a terrible, criminal act, but I despise the fact that those who revere him have used it to demonize a significant part of the population. If that is his legacy, it should best be forgotten.
Lies
October 24, 2007 by
There are a few things that are, for me, principles of parenting that should not be violated. One of them is that parents should not lie to their children.
To me, it seems like a “no-brainer.” Our children need to be able to trust us. Without trust, they cannot feel safe and secure. That means that they should be able to trust the things that we tell them. Therefore, except in rare, extreme situations, we should be very careful to tell them the truth.
So it came as a shock to me that today I heard of two instances where the parents lied to their children. They lied when there was no good reason to lie. One lied because it was easier for her than explaining things to her children and the second lied because she wanted to say what she needed to say to calm her daughter down.
In the case of the first mother, her lie will become clear when the family is invited to the wedding of their uncle and his “wife” who, their mom told them, were already married. The children will find out. It’s a sure thing. And then what will they think of their mother?
The second case, though is much more toxic. In this case, the teenage daughter had feelings of not being respected and not being taken seriously. She had good reason not to trust her mother who had failed to protect her in the past. She pleaded with me to ask her mother to honor a very reasonable request she had made of her. I did so. The mother told me that she would comply with her daughter’s request. I spoke with the daughter and told her that her mother had agreed. Today, three days later, the mother called in a panic. The daughter had become very angry and upset. In the course of explaining what had gone on in the last couple of days, the mother spoke of having twice done what her daughter asked her not to do. The mother had called me to ask me to speak with her daughter. I said to her, “What about the promise you made to her?” She said, “I never promised.” I said, “You told ME that you would comply!” She said, “Well, that was for THAT day.” I told her that now that I had no credibility with her daughter since she had lied to me and I had vouched for her, she needs to find someone who will have credibility to help the daughter.
I think that what I did may have shocked the mother, but I needed to shock her because she has denied her daughter the most important gift we give our children, security. If a parent is not reliable, if a parent lies, if a parent pretends to respect the child and doesn’t, then the child will lack the security he or she needs to grow up whole and healthy.
Where I am today…
October 24, 2007 by
It’s not that I have nothing to say; it’s that I have too much to say. Life gallops along at such a pace and in so many different ways that it’s hard to saddle it or begin to describe the path.
In the last few weeks I have been working with clients and feeling very gratified with their efforts to change. A long time ago I told my husband that I wanted to sell a needlepoint to therapists that said, “There are no good therapists; only good clients,” and it seems that recently, after not providing therapy for a couple of years, I have been lucky enough to be chosen by good clients.
At the same time, I have been getting ready to teach once again. When I entered the classroom a week and a half ago, I was gratified to find a group of intelligent, motivated women ready to seriously tackle the knowledge and skills needed to become therapists. Teaching them is a joy.
And, of course, there is China. Once again I am readying myself for an adventure. Already I hear the echoes of Chinese music that is relaxing and calming. In my mind’s eye, I already see the gardens. I see myself on a boat on the Li River viewing the magnificence of the Karst mountains. I am already picturing the Stone Forest.
I can’t help but smile remembering the man on the trip last spring who pretty much took everything in stride. He was enjoying the trip, but in a low-key way. As we rode in the little open air cart through the Stone Forest, he sat behind me. As I was once again appreciating its beauty, I heard him say in ever-rising tones, “This is fantastic; this is fantastic; this is fantastic; this is FANTASTIC!”
And I suppose that is what sums up my feelings about my trips to China.
I love being with people who are truly enjoying themselves, experiencing things that are new and nourishing.
And so as I pack and prepare for the trip, I have a high level of anticipation and excitement.