When I was young, I used to think of what it would be like to grow old. It was hard for me to believe that I would ever get old. The years passed and although I had children, I didn’t feel as if I were growing older. As I entered my 40s, life was good and I was active and I didn’t feel old. When my children started getting married, it was OK. When the grandchildren started being born, it was wonderful. And as the years passed and I watched the little ones grow, I still felt young. At 50 I made aliya. I opened a whole new chapter in my life. Eventually we bought our house and we settled down to a stable life here in Israel. And it’s all been good.
But suddenly I am looking at the fact that I am getting older. I think I still have a lot of energy. I have decided to stop teaching and I do very little supervision and practically no therapy. I enjoyed it for many years. Now I look forward to the trips I take and even more to the trips I lead. Learning about new places– their history, their culture, their arts, their people is exciting and fascinating. Seeing the world through the eyes of a Chinese person or a Cambodian is wondrous. I get excited about the things I do.
But at the same time, harsh reality pokes me in the eye. My dear cousin, the one who spanned generations between mine and that of my parents, has died. And although I hadn’t seen him in years, we had begun writing to each other sporadically and I was looking forward to having him and his wife come and visit and asking him some of the questions about our family that I had never gotten to ask my mother. He was a good person. He had an infectious smile and a good sense of humor and a depth that was apparent when through all the turmoil of that family, he maintained his equanimity. He was always pleasant and friendly. I will miss him.
And that means that I am now the old one– and I am too young to do this. In my head, I am still in my 30s. Where did those years go?
Time is precious. We should never take it for granted and we should use it wisely.
Oh don’t I know how you feel. I too love every stage of my life. I couldn’t figure how my kids were in their 30’s and so was I. I have been the upper layer of my family for some time. It is eerie but luckily I have my sister and my wonderful family. Remember, you have me who remembers you as a blonde, wooing your boy friends and even camp and Gratz. We can keep each other young!