If you stay in my guest apartment

Please DO NOT:

Gouge holes in the wall.

Leave the counters sticky.

Get paint/magic marker/ ? that won’t come off — on my recently painted walls that are semi-gloss and washable.

Gouge out parts of said walls by sliding furniture along them.

Try to clean the glass stove top with the end of a screwdriver and leaving me a caked-on burnt-on stove top nonetheless.

Take our fancy coffee machine, fill it with water, grind a few coffee beans, get it filthy and then take it and store it as is backwards on the highest shelf over the fridge (with water and coffee beans intact).

Take home some of my linens.

Abuse my couch so badly that the feathers come out of the pillows.

Leave the fridge shelves so sticky that it’s gross to even take them out to clean them.

Put dishes away dirty.

Leave trash on the floor.

Leave burnt out light bulbs for me to throw out (and by the way, how is it that so many light bulbs burned out when one specific family stayed there???)

BUT

If you are a good guest (as most of them are), I will love you forever— or at least look forward to your next stay!