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China

May 13, 2008 by

Natural disasters seem to affect all of us, if not directly, then as we think that it could have been us that it happened to. So I am in pain when I see the devastation in the US that was caused by the recent storms and tornadoes. I imagine how difficult it must be to lose everything and to have to start all over again.

I also feel pain when I see the pictures and hear the reports from China. We have been to Chengdu a number of times. We go there to see the panda breeding grounds where the Chinese have been highly successful in breeding pandas and keeping them alive and healthy– and recently, they have begun to work on releasing some into the wild. Chengdu is a booming metropolis with modern hotels, an old “Chinatown,” colorful markets, beautiful parks and temples, and a fabulous folklore show that includes the changing masks and shadow puppets.

The Chinese people have a long history that they compare to that of the Jews– two ancient civilizations surviving until modern times. They feel a kinship with us, and we with them. Both civilizations value children, education, hard work, and respect. We Israeli/Jewish groups are always greeted with smiles and kindness. My thoughts are with the Chinese people at this very difficult time.

Filed Under: China

People talking without thinking*

May 11, 2008 by

The other night my husband and I went to see a play in Tel Aviv at the Cameri Theater. The plays are always in Hebrew because that is the language of the country, but some evenings they have a superscript in English- a short very-wide sign above the top of the curtain on which is projected the English translation as the dialogue progresses. That night we were surprised to see the play would be superscripted in English.

Not long after we sat down, a group of American tourists filed in and sat down. The woman to my husband’s right started to talk to him and to me and in the course of our conversation, she talked about the fact that they were having a total experience of Israel from museums to theater to lectures and places of interest. We mentioned that we are very careful to give the people who travel with us as rich an experience as possible. When we mentioned that we led tours to China, she said she was “boycotting China because they oppress their people and things are getting worse and worse.”

When we told her that although we think that a different form of government is desirable, the Chinese government has been taking very good care of its people and there is a sense of excitement and freedom in the country. The people everywhere we travel are smiling and happy– and we travel to numerous cities, some of them VERY far off the beaten path (one city we went to can only be reached by road- no airport, no train- and the ride to the next city takes 12 hours! Two cities we went to were ONLY 8 hours from the nearest city.)

And then I mentioned that in one village where we frequently take our groups, we used to take them to see how the village people lived. We took them to a place where we walked into an alley and to our left was the pig sty. It was also the bathroom (no plumbing). Further on, we entered a main room that was where people were born and where they were laid out when they died. There were 6 rooms that opened into the main room. Each room contained one family. In the back of the house there were two small, very primitive kitchens (water brought by bucket, cooking over fire.) This past October when I took my group to that village, the house had been razed and the people were living in brand new apartments that had been built in the few months since my last visit. Our local guide told us that no one in that village was living without indoor plumbing anymore.

The woman tourist we were talking to said, “But did the people have a CHOICE as to whether they wanted to move?”

On Hebrew we would say, “Nu- b’emet!!!” In English I said, “You have GOT to be kidding!”

My mistake. I shouldn’t have confronted her preconceived notions with the truth.

*Thanks to Simon and Garfunkle– I miss you guys!

Filed Under: China, Ramblings

Happy 60th Birthday

May 7, 2008 by

This is an important day– the State of Israel is turning 60 years old– the ancient land of an ancient people is celebrating just 60 years of independence. Others much better informed than I have noted all Israel has accomplished in these 60 years– the ingathering of Jews from all over the world, the literary treasures, the music, the scientific achievements, the technological expertise, the advances in medical care, the agricultural innovations and yes, the survival. Because despite the desire of our neighbors to drive us from the neighborhood, making their displeasure known with unending attacks on homes and schools and hospitals and women and children and old folks, we continue to live and thrive. The spirit of the Jewish people here in our homeland is unlike anything I have seen anywhere else. There is a joy in our lives. We are a passionate people– passionate in our love of sports teams, in our maniacal driving, in our help for others in need, in our celebrating and in our grieving. Israelis do not hide their emotions. Sometimes they may be hard to take, but you usually know what’s going on with them. We live and we thrive and we welcome Jews from all over to the world to come and join us.

But the best thing about Israel’s 60th birthday is that everyone is mentioning how young the country is at 60. Young indeed! May it continue to flourish and may our enemies come to realize that they have more to gain from peace with us than from this endless war.

Check out my daughter Rachel’s blog for a couple of fabulous pictures of her family here

Filed Under: Israel

Coming to the US

May 5, 2008 by

The news is that if all goes well, we will be coming to the US in June and July and will be traveling to communities to do travelogues on China (including Tibet) and Vietnam/Cambodia. We will be presenting these free of charge to groups for the purpose of letting people know that there is a fantastic tour company that provides the highest quality kosher tours (Shai Bar Ilan Geographical Tours). It will be a travelogue, not a sales pitch and we are happy to have one and all there whether or not they ever plan to travel. We understand that people have friends and relatives and we want our name to be the one associated with travel! We have all sorts of stories and anecdotes and we promise no one will be bored… we even are bringing some gifts. If you are interested in having us visit your community, you can write me at shai.bar.ilan.tours@gmail.com

Filed Under: Uncategorized

Vietnam & Cambodia

April 30, 2008 by

If you would like to see these pictures at your own pace and larger and with captions, you can see them here

Filed Under: Uncategorized

A typical day

April 29, 2008 by

Every six months we drive into Jerusalem (about 30 kilometers/ 18 miles from here) to get our routine checkup on our car. Modi’in still does not have car dealerships, although they are on their way within a few months (of course the people who told us this were the same ones who told us that the train to Tel Aviv would be running from the center of Modi’in in 2005 (it started on April 1, 2008) and that the mall would also be open in 2005 (it has still not opened.)) The dealership we use seems to be honest and to do good work, so we enjoy taking the car there and using the day to walk around in Jerusalem.

Yesterday my husband and I and our younger daughter and her baby all set out for Jerusalem. We left the car and started walking in the direction of the center of the city. We stopped at the 2 sheqel store (a sheqel now is about $.29) where our granddaughter finally got her own cellphone. Seems her mother is pretty stingy about the use of hers. The rest of the day, the cellphone was a beloved companion.

As we walked down Jaffa Road, past all of the renovated area, we were on a street teeming with life- people of all sizes and shapes and colors dressed in all sorts of outfits– and everyone seemed to be having good time.

We passed by Machane Yehuda market, one of the most colorful areas of the city. We passed a row of jewelry stores. We found a new huge variety store and bought an Israeli flag to affix to our car in honor of Independence Day. We walked a little further and it was then I saw my husband’s cousin.

She didn’t expect to see us and so it took her a while to realize who we were, but then she was all smiles and she asked about our family and we asked about hers. We found out that a granddaughter of hers will be getting married soon and another is due to have a baby (they currently have 4 married granddaughters and one great-grandchild, a boy.) All, of course, is not perfect- and so there was talk about a grandson who was badly injured in an auto accident in the summer or early fall who is slowly recovering, but will probably not have a full recovery. There was talk about an immigrant woman from the US who she is trying to help, but who, alas, seems to engage in self-defeating behavior.

And then we walked on. We walked past the shoe stores and the cheap clothing stores and finally got to Cafe Rimon where we had lunch. After lunch we shopped some more and then I went to the place where we had bought the replacement remote for our TV a while back. The remote stopped working and I wanted to buy another one, but first I wanted to ask the man if he thought the problem was the remote or if it was the TV. So here is that conversation (although the original was in Hebrew)
Me: A year or two ago….
He: Or three or four
Me: I bought a remote for my JVC TV and I think it is broken
He: So give it to me.
Me: It’s at home.
He: So bring it in.
Me: I thought it would be really nervy for me to bring it in when I don’t even know when I bought it.
He: Bring it in.
Me: But I have no proof when I bought it.
He: It will take me a minute to check it out.
Me: I just want to buy a new one.
He: Nonsense! Bring it in and we’ll see.

Now to my American ear, this was a really strange encounter, but for people who live in Israel, it is not as rare. There is a feeling here among a lot of people that we are all in this together and we need to help each other. And it happens that storekeepers, bus drivers, virtually anyone who meets the public often will go so far beyond what they are required to do that you almost can feel yourself tearing up.

When people in the US think of aliya, they think of what they will be losing. I will tell you: nothing. It’s all gain. The houses are smaller, the cars are more expensive, and the people drive like maniacs, but from every other point of view, this life is far superior to anything I experienced in any of the 16 homes I had in the US and Germany. The weather is beautiful large parts of the year, the flowers bloom all year long. People know their neighbors and help them. Parents spend time with their children. Family recreation is a value here and on vacation days there are tons of activities at reduced cost and often at no cost.

And a typical day will always yield at least one encounter that will make you smile!

Filed Under: Israel, Ramblings

Decisions, decisions

April 27, 2008 by

There are times in people’s lives when they feel compelled to make a decision that in some way will lead them to variate from the norm. Some times these are decisions that come about because a person feels that he/she has principles or standards that are important to him/her. He or she may demonstrate for a cause, go on a march, distribute circulars, or wear clothing or buttons that indicate his/her support of an issue. Sometimes he/she will be restrained or arrested by police and yet the price seems worth it if the point is made. Assuming that the principle the person is fighting for is important, his/her stepping away from the norm is an educational experience for their children, showing them that the parent is willing to sacrifice for the sake of something important. Such an example would be the people who demonstrated against the expulsion of the Jewish population from Gush Katif. Although their parent may have chosen a path that led to suffering and inconvenience, the children knew what the parents’ values were and they saw them hold onto those values despite hardships.

Sometimes people step out of the norms of society for other reasons. Some such reasons are personal pleasure (like some elected officials who were caught frequenting places they shouldn’t have been), compulsion (like buying, using, and selling drugs), and obsessions taken to their logical conclusions (I hesitate to give an example but hopefully you will supply your own).

I believe that as human beings we have choices and we choose the behaviors we engage in. Pleasure can be had many ways. Of course we can spend pleasant time with our families. In an affluent society we have leisure time to take walks in nature, to people-watch, to sit and talk with a friend, to engage in sports, to see a play or a concert or a film, to draw, to take photographs, to join a dance class or a choir. The possibilities of healthy pleasurable pursuits are limitless.

When people have compulsive behaviors like using or drugs or alcohol that are or lead to illegal activities, there is help available. Often people need outside help to overcome their compulsive behaviors, but it is available. Large supportive communities exist to nurture people with these problems. Having the problem does not excuse one of responsibility for one’s actions.

In terms of obsessions, the individual is also responsible for his/her behavior. When I was a child my mother used to talk about people who claimed certain types of disabilities or patterns of behavior as having an “eingereteh zach” which I understood to be an issue that they convinced themselves into.

All of us have experienced inner dialogues that go something like this:

“I would like some ice cream, It sure would taste good. I think that mint chocolate chip would be delicious. Yes, that’s what I need. I sure would like it now. I really can’t wait. Yes, I think I’m going out to get it now.”

Sooner or later, that type of thought process leads to a store and some ice cream. But alas, they have chocolate and chocolate chip and strawberry, but no mint chocolate chip. Think about it enough and the quest is on. Until the mint chocolate chip ice cream is found, purchased, and eaten, there will be no peace.

Now let’s look at this logically: Ice cream is darned good food, but we don’t *have* to have it. If we allow it to be a stray thought, we can let it go and go on with our lives. But if we focus on it, it becomes an obsession.

I think that is true of some of the lifestyle changes people make that separate themselves from mainstream society. It is something that ranks a stray thought, but if one is a parent, after a short amount of consideration, it needs to be let go. And here is why:

Children, as I have said more than once or twice before, are people under construction. They are building their foundation, figuring out what their lives are going to look like, how they will fit into the environment. When a parent deviates from the norm, in general, it is the children who will be the most strongly affected. They become caught between the norms of society and their loyalty to their parents. The negative feedback they get from friends, teachers, neighbors about their parent’s lifestyle is something they are not equipped to defend and something they feel uncomfortable sharing with their parent. Children protect their parents from negative things and therefore they carry the burden of the societal displeasure on their shoulders.

When we have children we need to think about our choices and about how they will affect our children. Sometimes that means sacrificing something that seems like it would be fun. Sometimes that means giving up on a fantasy.

Remember, our children are our responsibility. They need to feel loved and secure and protected. They need us to put them first.

Filed Under: Emotional health, Family life, Parenting, Ramblings

In the moment

April 24, 2008 by

Last night we drove north to a place called Shuni, a fortress located between Binyamina and Zichron Yaakov. There was a concert in the Roman amphitheater of the music of Shlomo Carlebach. We met friends there– a woman we had been friendly with almost 40 years ago and her daughter who had attended nursery school with our son and her daughter who we have watched grow up in time-lapse as we get together about once a year. Since our friend who lives in the US visits her daughter who lives in the North, we always have to find a location that isn’t difficult for either of us.

In addition to spending time with really delightful people, we were in a setting that was remarkable. The beauty of the ancient walls, the texture of the stones, the clear, cooling night air, the beautiful lighting of the walls and the sparkling lights in the trees only added to the wonderful music which was spirited and and lively and sincere and moving– if all a bit loud. But the event was lovely.

As I sat there, I couldn’t miss the tens, if not hundreds, of cellphones that were glowing in the dark. I didn’t hear any of them ring (although with the music as loud as it was, I am not sure I could have heard even if they were ringing) but what I did see was people sending and receiving SMS messages and playing games like “Bejeweled” and “Tetris.” These people were involved in their leisure activity while all around them there was an amazing performance with spiritual overtones in a setting that was very special.

As I looked around, some of these people were parents and some were children and I begin to think about the fact that these people were unable to fully experience what they were in the middle of– unable to fully enjoy a concert that they had chosen to attend and had paid for. And they didn’t leave, they stayed there and allowed the concert to be background noise for their messaging or game playing.

I begin to think of how sad that is. With all the tumult of the world, with all we have to deal with on a daily basis, with concerns of daily life and of global issues, why is it that we can’t just enter an experience and experience it? Why can’t we be fully there, especially when we are in a place we’ve chosen to be?

It is a wonderful thing to just be. It is a glorious thing to sit and watch talented people perform and to watch them enjoy what they are doing. It is wonderful to allow the music to take you away to new thoughts, to plans, to happy memories. I think that when we don’t allow ourselves to do that we are robbing ourselves of the ability to fully experience life.

My father taught me the most important things I know about life. One of them is that you should treasure every moment. Every moment is full of possibilities. Each moment provides food for our senses and food for our mind. Each moment enables us to make new connections, find new insights, think of new possibilities. But that doesn’t happen if we dilute the experiences. By only being partly there, we rob ourselves of some of the most meaningful moments of our lives.

Filed Under: Emotional health, Ramblings

She got in!

April 22, 2008 by

Two postings today…. for a very special reason…

Hadas was accepted to IASA – Israel Arts and Science Academy!

(This is the same Hadas who is my oldest granddaughter and my travel partner to China this past summer)

I am so very proud to be related to her. Kol HaKavod, Hadas!!!!!

You can see some pictures of her here.

Filed Under: China, Family life

That was the seder that was

April 21, 2008 by

The setting:
A non-descript three-story building of Jerusalem stone facing a mountain that was planted with trees last summer and instead has as most of its vegetation ugly brown and green weeds, oh yes, and those sticks (some sporting leaves) that are suspended between other sticks that are holding them up.
The time:
Saturday night after the stars had come out and at a time when little children are usually snuggled in their beds.
The characters:
My oldest son and his friend and her daughter; my older daughter, her husband, and her 6 children ranging in age from 14 years to 6 weeks; my youngest son, his wife, and their 5 children, ranging in age from 10.5 to 1.5; my younger daughter, her husband and their 9 month old daughter; and our “adopted” children who made aliya last summer. If you were counting, you would have come up with approximately 12 adults and 13 children. Of those 13 children, 5 were 3 and under.
The room:
Imagine a room that can comfortably accommodate about 8 people sitting on sofas and chairs adjoining a room that can comfortably accommodate about 8 people sitting around a table and try to figure out how that space will accommodate 25 people eating. Yeah. Well, part of the preparations for Pesach included taking the living room furniture out to the glassed-in room behind the house, so we had a place for the little children to sleep and for moms to attend to their children.
Facts about grandchildren:
If there is any time of the year that they will get sick, it is that exact time when they are visiting your house. From nosebleeds to teething pain to earaches and general states of discomfort, our house seems to bring out the best in them.
The seder itself:
Well, like every other observant family, we too started our seder exceedingly late. This was after a day with 5 of the grandchildren staying with us and the stress of the logistics of the seder itself. Naturally, the children were tired and some of us adults were a bit stressed, but once the singing began and we heard the four questions and saw the smiling faces around the table, it actually was nice. I had lots of help serving and except for the under-done turkey (I think this was the largest turkey I ever attempted to cook) the food was pretty good. We decided that we need a wall-stretcher for next year or some other plan…
Special thanks:
To our son Ben for the beautiful story he told at the seder and the extremely delicious charoset.
To our daughter Rachel and her husband Ohad for the exquisite flower arrangement that looks as fresh today as it did when it was delivered and PERFECTLY matched the table settings.
To our son Akiva and his wife Nurit for the cool veggie chopper that I am certain my husband will cherish for as many years as the one he got in Wiesbaden before our younger daughter was born.
to our daughter Leah and her husband Yaakov for a Pesach food processor that made preparing for 25 people infinitely easier. I blessed them about a hundred times as I was making the kugels, the coleslaw etc.
To our wonderful guests who lent us their brute strength and object placement skills to help us move the furniture and who lent us the all important folding chairs.
and most of all to our brilliant, gorgeous, and delightful grandchildren who bring us no end of happiness. And a special thanks to Ayala whose questions kicked off all of the explanations.

Filed Under: Family life, Parenting, Ramblings
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