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Preparing for Rosh HaShana

September 10, 2007 by

It doesn’t happen often, but this year, we in Israel get to experience what we used to have in the US- a “three day yom tov.” One of the many benefits of living in Israel is that we have them only rarely because except for Rosh HaShana, all of the two day holidays outside of Israel are one day holidays in Israel.

How well I remember being on Army bases in the US with four and then five children, the only religiously observant family, celebrating two days of holiday plus shabbat. Oh my. Aside from the occasional Army couple or lonely single soldiers, we had few guests since everyone else was working and the children’s friends were at school. It was a long three days.

But now everything is different because those three days will zip by with family and friends joining us and with us joining them for meals and conversation and walks in the park. Holidays are such happy, joyful times here. But the three-day yom tov does bring its own sources of anxiety:

1. Where am I going to put all of the food I need to store to serve for the next three days???
2. Will there really be enough fresh vegetables to make a good salad for shabbat?
3. Will 4 potato kugels be enough?
4. Is it possible to stay on anything like a decent diet in the midst of this food orgy?

Tune in for the answers to these and other questions in our next exciting episode:
“Why can’t Yom Kippur be three days long?”

Filed Under: Family life, Israel, Ramblings

I Remember Grandma

September 6, 2007 by

Yesterday we were in Ashdod. We had been invited to a wedding and decided that rather than drive back home in the middle of the night, we would stay over at a hotel in Ashdod. We drove there early in the day so that we would have a chance to enjoy the beach. We found the beach almost empty of people and exceedingly clean. We left our belongings and went into the water. The water was cool at first, but after a while, it seemed almost too warm, but we enjoyed riding the waves and bouncing and getting jostled and tasting the sea water as it dripped into our mouths…

But just as memories are jogged by a song that one associates with a person or event or a scent, like the perfume someone used to wear, so were my memories activated by the undulating waves and the sound of their peaking and breaking. And suddenly, there was my grandmother.

She appeared in my memory as she had been that summer when I was turning 7. My parents had rented a huge house in Atlantic City along with my grandparents and my aunt and uncle. We all were in Atlantic City for the summer. The men (my father, grandfather, and uncle) remained in Philadelphia working, visiting us on Tuesday and Thursday evenings and driving back in the mornings and spending from Saturday night to Monday mornings with us. The three women (my mother, my grandmother, and my aunt) had two workers who kept the house clean and helped watch the three children (me, my 2 year old sister and my 2 year old cousin). Their lives were pretty much perfect.

They would be free to do whatever they wanted and we, the children, would appear only upon request. So each afternoon, we were taken to the beach to romp and play and when we got tired or the women got tired of us, we were taken back to the house, fed a snack, bathed, and dressed for dinner. In those days, Atlantic City was quite an elegant place and people literally had dresses made to wear on the boardwalk in the evening. I remember two dresses that had been made for me. One was a lavendar organdy dress trimmed with lace and it had hand-embroidered flowers on it. The other was a blue organdy dress that had a blue plaid overskirt, also of organdy. The dresses had matching taffeta slips and had to be starched and ironed for each wearing.

That summer, I was unlucky enough to develop a fungus on my feet. I remember my mother taking me to a foot doctor (then they were chiropodists) who would have me hold my feet in a whirlpool for 15 minutes or so and then coat my feet with a thick yellow creamy substance. Then he would wind gauze around my feet and tell me to be sure not to get them wet. This went on for a number of weeks.

Well, my grandmother couldn’t stand the fact that I would not be able to go into the ocean for several weeks, so she would be sure each day to pick me up in her arms and stand in the water with me suspended between her arms with my feet out of the water. She would jump with waves and I would get wet everywhere except on my feet. She would stay there with me for a long time and finally she would carry me back to the shore.

Ever since, jumping the waves has always reminded me of my grandmother and of how much she loved me.

And it set me to thinking…

A week ago I returned from 9 days in Beijing with my oldest granddaughter. We had a wonderful time. She laughed and smiled and enjoyed seeing all of the beautiful structures and gardens and she enjoyed walking through the colorful markets and bargaining and buying wonderful things and interacting with the Chinese people. I wonder, though, what it may be that someday will trigger her memory of me and will she realize how much I love her?

Filed Under: Family life, Ramblings

While my husband was away

August 16, 2007 by

What I tried to do:
Have the computer shelf we had bought at IKEA in March mounted on the dining room wall.
What happened:
SUCCESS!
What I tried to do:
Have a handyman fix bumps and crevices and chips and gouges in the walls and around outside corners of the room.
What happened:
A family matter has kept him at home for the last 9 days.
What I tried to do:
Have the upholsterer finally reupholster our very dingy looking recliner.
What happened:
Friendly Mr. N will call me sometime when he gets to Modi’in.
What I tried to do:
Have the garden planted and fertilized before the beginning of shmittah
What happened:
The gardener showed up one day too late to do any planting, chopped down by mistake a lemon tree, and caused the grapevine to lie in its death throes on the ground. Oh yes, he forgot to fertilize around the trees.
What I tried to do:
Just live a happy calm life
What happened:
While I was sitting in the living room one afternoon, the entire house lost electricity when the ground fault breaker got thrown. After carefully turning off all of the other breakers, It appeared that for some unknown reason the overhead light in my bedroom or the bathroom light, both of which were off, threw the entire house into a tizzy. After calls to two electricians, one arrived at 6:30 a.m. the next day and when flipping the suspect switch, found nothing amiss. Only later did he divine that the lights in the garden where the culprits (they were also off when the house shorted out!) So now we need to figure out how to remedy that… not easy because the cables are buried under both concrete and earth.
What I tried to do:
Keep things simple
What happened: I ended up going to the airport twice (to drop off and then pick up my daughter and granddaughter), to a Modi’in baseball game with the new olim (that was stopped halfway through the last inning because of darkness), and driving out to the local shopping center to pick up the said new olim that is about 15 minutes away and getting caught in the typical nightly traffic jam back for about 45 minutes.
What I tried to do:
Clean our glass roof, wash the car, do the laundry, touch up the walls.
What happened:
SUCCESS!

So, it wasn’t a disaster, but it certainly wasn’t the restful time I expected it to be.

Filed Under: Family life, Ramblings

Where are they now?

August 8, 2007 by

My family lives in Israel. But where are they now?
One daughter-in-law and 6 children are in Los Angeles visiting her parents and sisters and families.
Her husband is working with a mashgiach (kosher supervisor) on a cruise ship currently moored in St. Petersburg, Russia.
One daughter is in Croatia with her daughter on a mother/daughter trip, but may be in Venice for the day tomorrow.
And my husband is in Beijing.

When I was growing up would I ever have imagined this? I mean, we lived in Philadelphia and “going away” meant going to Atlantic City, an hour and a half away. When I was in 6th grade, my mother took me and my sister to New York for a couple of days (it was 2 hours away.) People didn’t used to travel like this for business or for pleasure unless they were very wealthy.

And now, I say to the gabbai (member in charge of logistics) at my shul, who emailed me to ask if my husband could read the Torah on shabbat: “He may be reading, but it will be in Beijing.”

Filed Under: Family life, Ramblings

Advice

August 6, 2007 by

OK, people. Listen up. I didn’t think I was going to have to get all drill sergeant on you, but it appears that I do.

What I am talking about has happened both here in Israel and in the US. I suspect this happens in other places as well. If what I am saying is not relevant to you, go on to the next post; I wrote two today.

People are forgetting their children. Now I don’t mean like you’re at the mall and you think you have all of them and then you look around and one has wandered off to see if he/she can find money under the candy machine which is ten feet away. I am talking about people who get out of their cars, lock them, go to shop or work or a repair shop, or the beach and they leave their children in the car. They leave them not for a minute and say. “Oh no, how could I have forgotten the baby!” They leave them for hours. They don’t notice the child is missing. They forgot the child was with them earlier in the day and thought he/she was home or with another caregiver. The children bake and die. This week, a father left the beach at the Dead Sea and didn’t realize his child wasn’t with him. This child, thankfully, was found floating alive and healthy hours later, but I find it hard to believe that the father didn’t say before he left the beach, “Where’s my son?”

Parents: check your car before you leave it. Look in the back. DON’T leave your little one there even for a minute. These little people are fragile and precious. Take them with you. Hold them and cuddle them and love them.

All of you who take care of children– when you are out, make sure they are with you. If they are swimming, keep look ing to see that they are safe. If you have a number of children, your job is keeping all of them safe. If more than one person is caring for your children, make sure you are clear about who has responsibility for which child. Keeping your children safe is more important than having fun, more important than feeling free, more important than talking with friends. Children need to be protected.

“I forgot” is no excuse.

Filed Under: Family life, Parenting

Off to Beijing

August 6, 2007 by

No, not me. My husband is on an Uzbek Air flight that will stop in Tashkent and by tomorrow morning, his time, he will be in Beijing, leading his people through the wonders of China.

And you know, after 41 years…

I’ve grown accustomed to his face (the part of it that’s not covered by beard)
He almost makes the day begin (he brings me coffee every morning)
I’ve grown accustomed to the tune, he whistles night and noon (around this time of the year it’s often the nusach for the yamim noraim*)
—–
I do miss him.

So I came home and started organizing the house- washing the laundry, culling closets for clothing we no longer need, putting things in places where I can find them, and getting rid of things we no longer need. While ironing, I even made a discovery: for the close to 200 sheqels (a little under $50) I pay for cable each month, I get no television channel that is worth watching at 2:30 in the afternoon.
—–
So instead, I am thinking of what this trip will be like for him and feeling really happy that he is with a great group of people and he will be doing what he loves the most: teaching people something they want to learn.

Filed Under: China, Family life

For Vicki & Diane

July 31, 2007 by

Subtlety was never my strong suit.

Today my husband and I and our older daughter and her youngest daughter got up early in the morning (especially early for our daughter who only last night returned from BlogHer in Chicago) and drove to Ben Gurion Airport. A phenomenal thing happened there.

We were waiting for a planeload (yes, a whole plane full!) of new American immigrants to Israel. The old terminal at the airport was filled with friends, relatives, dignitaries, and anyone who wanted to greet our new family members who were finally coming home.

While we waited, a bus came toward us and on it were a group of Ethiopians who were also coming home. We sang to them “Heiveinu Shalom Aleichem” and with tears in our eyes waved our blue and white flags. And then the buses of American “Olim” started to arrive. We couldn’t suppress our tears of joy. We stood there holding aloft a banner with the names of the people we were waiting for on it. All around us there was music and singing and dancing and people of every age, size, shape, attire, and color were enjoying this moment together.

When finally we made contact with our new olim, it was really a feeling of family being reunited even though they were not members of our family. But at ceremonies like this, sponsored by Nefesh B’Nefesh, we come together and for a short time are everything we are supposed to be- warm, welcoming, and happy to see our family come home.

Filed Under: Family life, Israel

Sisters

July 23, 2007 by

When my sister and I were young, there was a song that Rosemary and Betty Clooney used to sing called “Sisters.” We learned it in honor of our grandparents’ 35th wedding anniversary where we sang it wearing lavender organdy dresses that were custom made for us. I was 10, she was 5. I am pretty sure that we were adorable. I know for a fact that people really enjoyed our little act because for years afterwards we were asked to perform it and by the time I got to about 13 it was downright embarrassing.

But the truth is that there is a very special link between sisters that is almost indescribable. Which is why my sister, though far away, is always with me and why she, on her first web site did a sister page with pictures of sisters in our family. The very nice thing is that with the exception of our youngest granddaughter, all of our granddaughters have sisters. And this newest little girl has two little girl cousins living half a block away who she likely will see very often.

What is it about sisters that is so special? Well, we grow up together. We learn to have the same frame of reference. We often have the same sense of humor, but we certainly have lots of associations in common. We are reminded of the same experiences. The cast of characters in our lives is the same. We remember how Aunt Gladys* took a drawer pull from the spare bedroom in our parents’ house and Uncle Tom liked to eat his soup after the meal. We remember Aunt Lucy who didn’t want to kiss her husband at their wedding because it wasn’t hygienic and Cousin Myron who went off to become a cult leader. And we giggle and we smile. We enjoy sitting in cafes and playing “fashion cop” and after a few years with people dressing well here, I am happy to report that we are back in business as exposed navels and tattoos have begun to proliferate. But we also like to share thoughts and feelings and hopes and dreams.

Which is not to say that brothers don’t have a similar experience. However, the male need for close intimate bonds is different no matter what the books may say.

And so now, when my sister is visiting, I have the pleasure not only of sharing time with her, but of enjoying my two daughters’ relationship with each other and the growing bonds of the daughters of all of my children.

*Names have been changed to protect the guilty

Filed Under: Family life, Relationships

1000 words

July 10, 2007 by

Filed Under: Family life

Xmas in July

July 9, 2007 by

We get US TV programs late in Israel. Not all of them. However, when it is a series that is broadcast here in the daytime, chances are that people in the US saw it quite a while ago. And that is why today while I was sweating on the stationery bike at the local health club, I saw Dr. Phil’s Xmas show (part 2 of 3) from 2005. Yes, you got that right. We had Xmas on the 8th of July in Modi’in.

Everything from here on in, as you may have guessed, is old news. For you. For me, it was quite a revelation.

On this show, they were distributing toys and other play equipment to children who had been involved in Hurricane Katrina. Since I arrived in the middle of the show, I saw only the following: Dr. Phil and Robin distributing to the children ALL of the toys on the gift list that each child drew up for him/herself; an announcement that all of the children would be going to Disneyland; and their opening a gate behind which were a myriad of additional toys (including a laptop computer, electric cars, bicycles, etc.) that every child would get.

I saw the children grow more and more excited. I saw the parents with tears in their eyes. I stared incredulously.

I think I am no longer part of American culture. I found the over-the-top commercialism of it all sickening. I saw people in ecstacy over material goods. I saw people blessing Dr. Phil for being a true humanitarian. I couldn’t believe it.

What were they doing for these children? Were they replacing a loved toy lost in the flooding? a favorite book? or were they drowning out the child’s feelings of loss and sadness by overlaying a material goods ecstasy? Were they saying to these children, “here, now you can’t feel loss and pain any more because you now can fill yourself with all of these things.” Is the way to happiness and fulfillment through thousands of dollars of gadgets and toys? What about Dr. Phil’s advice to parents of children in crisis situations he gave on the very same show, “Keep a child’s world consistent; have consistent rules, expectations, bedtimes…” Is that what this was? Was there any sense of proportion to all of it?

And what did this show teach America?

It’s interesting to me. Israel has become more and more westernized during the time I have been here. To some extent its values have changed, but here, when faced with very similar circumstances (last summer’s Lebanon war when citizens of the north had to flee their homes for safety) the benefactor who took on the job of caring for the families provided air conditioned tents and showers, wholesome food, laundry services, entertainment and movies, classes and activities for adults and children. In addition, the refugees also received health services and psychological counseling.

And that seemed right.

It makes me wonder. Did people in the US seeing that show have the same reaction that I did? Or am I living in a culture that is really very different?

Filed Under: Emotional health, Family life, Israel
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