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Sunny days

November 14, 2008 by

Lately the weather has been beautiful. Yes, even those couple of days of rain were beautiful. The heat of the summer is gone and it’s still warm enough to go out without a sweater. If it were only like this all year round!

As my non-stop cough finally left me (after being a part of my life for about 2 months) I realized how “down” I had been during that time. Since I am usually on the manic side, I don’t think anyone noticed, but I started feeling sunnier inside as soon as I stopped coughing my guts out.

Preparations for the trip continue. Amazing how a trip of 18 days can take weeks of preparation. I keep telling myself that next time I do this trip it will be a cinch. I remember preparing for the first trip to China. It seemed daunting as well even though the logistics were a lot easier, the company having done China trips for close to 20 years. In Vietnam, much of the logistics are still newly developing and so there are fewer “school” answers for our special food and shabbat needs- so we spend a lot of time thinking of every aspect that could be problematic and troubleshooting.

Still up in the air is what will become of our traditional family Thanksgiving dinner since I will be in Hanoi for Thanksgiving (OK, how many of you ever even thought of uttering that sentence?) One of the children has recommended advancing it a week. Hmmm.

This shabbat promises to be relaxing with the added treat of being able to watch Kinneret during shabbat morning services, something that is immensely enjoyable and enables me to really appreciate my shabbat nap.

Filed Under: Family life, Ramblings

On obligations

November 4, 2008 by

My husband and I have had the same discussion for the last two weeks as we got within a block or two of our house on shabbat morning as we were returning from services. It started as we were talking about a problem that we have here in Modi’in.

It is not unusual to hear teens in the parks, on the streets, talking loudly at 12, 1, 2, 3, and even 4 a.m. These same teens have burnt a wooden bridge in one of the parks several times, destroyed park benches, broken beer bottles, and torn up play equipment. The answer many if not most people have to the problem is more teen clubs, more sports halls open because the poor little children are bored and have nothing to do other than wreak havoc on our city leaving wailing babies they have woken in their wake.

To me it seems clear that the problem is not boredom (I don’t yell, scream, and destroy public property when I am bored). Neither is it the lack of places to congregate (as kids when we wanted to be with our friends, we usually would go to the house of one of the group where we coincidentally had chaperones, their parents). The problem, it seems to me, is that their parents have abdicated their responsibilities. Where do the parents think their children are night after night? These are children between the ages of 14 and 18. They have school in the morning. They need sleep so that they won’t be irritable and so that they are able to concentrate and learn.

Parents counter “everybody’s doing it.” Wrong answer. For a lot of reasons, we had to raise our children as different from the norm. And we did. We felt it was our job to give the children our values. We thought it was our job to keep our children safe. What we didn’t think was that other parents or kids on the neighborhood should have veto power over the decisions that we made to educate and protect our children.

We think that our commitment to standing for what we think is important came from the obligation we feel toward generations past and their values, wishes, and dreams for us. After all, we are standing on the shoulders of giants– people who lived difficult lives and sacrificed for their children’s well being, for their education… and we both have felt the obligation to raise our children and to live our lives in the way that would please those who came before us.

So we take responsibility for ourselves and our actions and for trying to educate and protect our children and grandchildren– and we hope that others will do the same.

Filed Under: Family life, Parenting

Elisheva

October 29, 2008 by

Tonight was Elisheva’s night. Tonight we celebrated Elisheva’s becoming a bat mitzvah. It was a celebration that was very special because Elisheva is a very special girl. She is very clever and bright and she is very conscientious. She enjoys reading and learning and she is serious about her school work. She is a person who strives for perfection in the things she does. She is a person who achieves excellence. She has a kind and sweet demeanor and she is delightful to be with.

I wanted to speak in public to Elisheva, and perhaps I will write out what I was going to say or perhaps I will put it on YouTube, but the main idea I wanted to get across to her is that with the firm foundation she has been given by her parents intellectually, religiously, and morally, the world is out there for her to make what she wants of her life– that she should seek her passion and learn and study and create and do the things that interest her and excite her. I wanted to tell her that there are many women who she could emulate, but the secret is that she can be her own hero. She can create the masterpiece that is her life. She can write its story; she can paint the picture; she can compose the music. It is all in her hands. I know that she will create something beautiful.

Mazal tov, Elisheva. I love you!

Filed Under: Family life

Recovering

October 23, 2008 by

Despite the fact that each fall the holidays assault us week after week, it’s always sad the moment I realize that they are over. This year we kept a low profile because I have been coughing non-stop for weeks. Aside from children and grandchildren, we have had no guests. So when we put away the sukkah this morning, it was with a feeling of missed opportunities.

The days are already shorter and the weather is moderating and soon things will be back to “normal.” Next week we have a meeting with the woman who guided the trip to Vietnam and Cambodia last year about the logistics of the upcoming trip, a Bat Mitzvah (a granddaughter) and a wedding (the son of friends) and a meeting with some of the people who will be traveling with us to Vietnam and Cambodia. Now I am reading everything I can find on the subject and preparing my talks and getting together material to give out to the participants.

Another priority is making two more blankets for two more anticipated (b’sha’ah tovah) grandchildren- one due in December and one in January.

Oh yes, and the other priority: TO STOP COUGHING!!!!!!

Filed Under: Family life

The eye has it

October 16, 2008 by

Yesterday was a wonderful day. It started out with a birthday party for Hadas who grows more beautiful each day. Attending the party among others, were her 5 siblings and 13 cousins– which made it a very special day for me too.

In the evening, we drove to Netanya where Ariel (11), the oldest son of our son Akiva, sang as part of the “Pirchei HaGiva” choir in a large presentation in the center of town. We were met there by my dear cousin Debbie, her warm and kind husband, Mike, and their lovely daughter, Adina. Of course, Ariel’s parents and siblings also attended. The only question was “where was Ariel?” The best we can tell, his right eye attended the concert. It was definitely his. We presume the rest of his face was there too (hopefully he was using his mouth to sing along), but we were not able to see anything but his eye either with our naked eyes or on the huge video screens that were on either side of the stage.

However, the singing was wonderful and we are certain it was Ariel who made it particularly wonderful. We hope that next time he sings, we will get to see more of his face.

Filed Under: Family life, Israel

Fifteen

October 15, 2008 by

Can it really be that it was fifteen years ago when Hadas was born? That beautiful baby, daughter of my own daughter, first of the new generation, first native born Israeli in our family. Can it really be fifteen years since that trek from the center of Jerusalem to Ein Kerem that my two younger sons and I took to visit my daughter and the baby on shabbat? We walked in the blazing sun for miles to visit them, backpack loaded with food and cold drinks. How excited and happy we were!

Had we known then what an amazing, terrific, delightful person Hadas would become, I can’t imagine we could have been any more excited. Over the years as we watched her grow and saw her intellect at work, experienced her humor and wit, we realized more and more what a special person she is. she is bright and clever. She dances with grace; she sings beautifully.

On our trip to China last year, I could not have had a better companion. She is interested in learning and experiencing new things, picking up a few key Chinese phrases, learning how to bargain. She made friends easily with the other girls on the trip, and I was please to see that she is a person one can count on. She made sure to bring home something special for each of her family members and she chose their gifts with care. She is the kind of person that every savta wishes her granddaughter could be.

Happy birthday Hadas! I love you.

Filed Under: Family life

Preparations

September 28, 2008 by

Tomorrow night it begins– Rosh HaShana, the New Year. And, as usual, it will be a busy and full holiday with my son and his 6 children staying with us, with both daughters and their families joining us for a meal each, not to mention the 3rd of our 2 daughters and her family who will join us also for a meal.

I actually enjoy cooking and when I designed my kitchen I made sure to have a huge working area on one counter. It stretches about 7 feet long. Today I filled the entire area with flour, oil, sugar, salt , potatoes, baking soda, eggs, corn, vanilla, soy milk, margarine, a food processor, a mixer, and various measuring implements. The oven performed overtime heating one after another of the creations (challah, potato kugel, corn pudding). The fridge will soon be filled as it plays home to all of the vegetables, the defrosting turkey, and roast, and all that I’ve made today once it all cools down.

And tomorrow it will be soups (chicken and sweet potato), the turkey and the roast, probably cole slaw and potato salad, and of course all of the salad vegetables. Then it’s opening out the table, setting it, making up all of the beds, and general cleanup.

It all seemed overwhelming until I had a realization: We are celebrating the creation of the world. I can’t help thinking of all of the preparation G-d had to do for Rosh HaShana. There was the heaven and the earth to create, the lights (sun and moon), the seas, the plants and trees, the fish and the birds, and humankind. … and I think that I have a lot to attend to?

Instead, I think I will say that He did an excellent job, with only a short amount of time to work with. Sure there were areas that could have used more thought (teeth and feet come to mind) and there’s that whole nine months of pregnancy thing not to mention other womanly issues, but all and all, job well done! The blue sky- gorgeous, the cleansing, life-giving rains- brilliant, the variety of flowers, trees, bushes- exquisite, the ability to give and receive love with family members and friends- perfection.

I remember reading e. e. cummings who said:
I thank you God for this most amazing day, for the leaping greenly spirits of trees, and for the blue dream of sky and for everything which is natural, which is infinite, which is yes.

Shana Tovah– may you and your family have a healthy, happy, new year!

Filed Under: Family life, Israel, Ramblings, Spirituality

Stuff

September 22, 2008 by

I might go on strike. I might just not write another blog post until a get another few people to go on my trip to Vietnam and Cambodia. So get working, people!

In other news… Last night Ariel celebrated his 11th birthday with much fanfare and fireworks. He had 20 of his nearest and dearest friends over for a movie and pizza. We, the old folks, sat outside on the front steps for the duration of the movie. With us were Ariel’s 3 little sisters and his tiny little brother (the aforementioned Elazar). With us also was one of Ariel’s friends who apparently found Ariel’s sister Tamar much more interesting than the movie. Tamar is 7 years old and has such sparkle in her that it may actually be that rooms light up when she walks in. We all knew that the boys would find her something special, but we never thought that it would happen by age 7.

And moving from the sublime to the ridiculous… Why is it that men think that when they are in their car no one can see them picking their noses? I think about 50% of the time I am stopped at a light next to a man, he is so engaged. Today, one was sitting in our local supermarket parking lot, totally oblivious… I ask my husband (who does NOT pick his nose) why. He said, “because men only have two hands.” which led me to ask, “and what are they doing with their other hand?” at which point he grinned…

OK, we’ve been married 42 years and so we get each other’s jokes. If you didn’t, it really doesn’t matter.

It’s still hot and the holidays are around the corner– so off to all of the work I’ve been avoiding. And once more, repeat after me: “Vietnam & Cambodia, November 24”

Filed Under: Family life, Ramblings

His name is Elazar

September 17, 2008 by

and the pictures from today can be found at this link

It was great having the family together!

Filed Under: Family life, Parenting

…and sometimes, just like that, He changes His mind

September 14, 2008 by

I have seen a decent number of films in my life. One of them that became iconic for me was “The Frisco Kid.” In it, a young, somewhat foolish, certainly naive new rabbi is sent by his eastern European yeshiva to serve a congregation in San Francisco. Our hero, played by Gene Wilder, arrives in the US in Philadelphia and the film covers his journey across the US where he meets the Amish (and thinks they are chassidim), a thief (Harrison Ford), and Indians, among others. He has many adventures.

At one point, the Indians, having decided that he was worthy of continuing to live because of his courage in preserving his sefer torah, ask him to ask his G-d to make it rain. It seems there has been a very long drought and they have prayed and danced and drummed, all to no avail. Our hero says, “My G-d doesn’t work like that,” meaning that he did not believe that his prayers would produce the much desired rain on demand. They insist he pray. He responds again, “My G-d doesn’t work like that” and then the heavens open up and the rain begins to fall- lots of it- and the people are ecstatic, and our hero says “…and sometimes, just like that, He changes His mind.”

I think of that whenever I am in a situation that seems hopeless. Things are not going well and despite a lot of effort, nothing seems to help. And then, all of a sudden, things get better. It happens to therapy clients. It happens to people in interpersonal relationships. It happens to people who are learning to do something that is awkward and difficult and then suddenly, it is second nature.

Life seems sometimes to offer discontinuous results. Things pop out of the air– things that one might have wished or hoped or prayed or worked hard for- and suddenly, at the most unexpected time, they happen. Good things.

Each year, just before Rosh HaShana I try to think of what I would like to wish those I love. Maybe this year, it be that these types of wonderful surprises will happen for them.

Filed Under: Family life, Ramblings, Spirituality
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